


i remember you

by braveatheart



Category: Elyza Lex (Fanverse), The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6368455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braveatheart/pseuds/braveatheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alicia remembers everything, because Lexa is dead. Elyza can't remember anything, until one day, she does.</p><p>(They may or may not pick up some people on their way.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dark eyes advance toward you, glazed over and showing no sign of life. This person, still walking, still breathing, still staring is somehow undeniably dead and after all this time, you still struggle to wrap your head around the thought.

Repulsive gurgling noises sound from the walker’s throat, and its mouth hangs open as it approaches you. Long black hair hangs around its face, and a name tag reading “Leah” is attached to the front of its waitress uniform. You find yourself wondering for a moment what her life was like before she died.

You aren’t given much time to think, however, because it suddenly lunges at you, its decomposing and grimy hand already closing into a fist as it reaches for your throat. You let out a yelp and back up, legs barely holding your weight. The last time you were this close to a walker was when you saw Susan reaching through the fence in the backyard, and you are no closer to acceptance that this is reality now than you were that night.

Your knees shake as you’re backed into the table, walker approaching closer and closer until you can almost feel its hot, putrid breath. It smells of blood, grime, and death. You don’t know how to describe what death smells like, but this is it.

You should run. You should grab the paper towel rack on the table behind you and use it as a weapon. Hell, you should grab a chair and throw it. You’ve got enough adrenaline coursing through your veins to do it. You should scream. You should cry, even. But you can’t do anything, because you’re frozen where you stand.

The walker is inches away, now, and your eyes fall shut. Your eyebrows furrow and you grip the table behind you as hard as you can, the sharp edge of it nearly drawing blood. Your knuckles ache, and you hold your breath.

You’re suddenly pulled roughly by the arm out of the way, and you’re dragged into what appears to be a supply closet. The door is closed hard behind you, and immediately, she pulls shelves in front of the door to barricade it.

Elyza collapses against the barricade, chest heaving. You can see her shoulders shaking, and you can barely breathe, because she’s never looked like this before. She’s always been the strong one, the one who kills a walker without a second glance, the one who knows what to do without even thinking about it.

“Elyza?”

She looks up at you, eyes full of concern and worry and...fear.

“Leah…” she says, trailing off. Her eyes dart from side to side, never settling on any one thing. You recognize the signs of panic and kneel down in front of her, resting your hand tentatively on her knee. She’s shaking like a leaf, and you shudder at this new side of her.

“Do you know her?” you ask quietly, looking at her intently in hopes that she’ll meet your eyes. She doesn’t, though.

“She’s my ex girlfriend. She did some shitty, shitty things, but that’s...that’s my Leah,” she says. Her voice shakes and her breathing becomes more labored. You put your hands gently on her shoulders and Elyza doesn’t shrug you away. Your hands trail up her neck and you hook your fingers in her hair, thumbs resting in front of her ears. Finally, she meets your eyes.

She looks so broken and afraid and you want nothing more than to take it away, but you know that you can’t. Instead, you simply wait for her to speak, and she does.

“Can I say goodbye?” she asks, as if she’s scared of what you’re going to say. Your heart aches for her, and you don’t blink as you nod simply, hoping your sincerity can be conveyed through your eyes.

She nods back, then takes in a deep breath of air to steady herself. You stand and hold a hand out to her, and she shakily takes it and pulls herself off the ground. Your gazes never break for a second, and you don’t let go of her hand right away.

Instead, you pull it slowly to your lips and place a kiss to the back of her palm, letting your lips linger on the slightly rough skin for a moment that feels suspended in time. Elyza swallows hard and nods to you again, seemingly unable to do anything else.

You help her pull the shelves away from the door, and when it’s finally free, she takes a deep breath as she rests her hand on the handle. When her eyes reopen afterward, she opens it slowly and you follow her close behind. She’s learned not to argue with you when you follow her out into a dangerous situation, and you’ve learned to compromise and stay behind her the whole time.

She unhooks the pistol on her waist from its hilt and pulls it up slowly, taking careful steps toward the main area where the walker - Leah - surely still resides. Sure enough, she appears a moment later, head titled to the side and mouth hanging open as the same familiar growling sounds escape it.

Those dark eyes make you shudder again, but before you can think about anything else, Elyza puts her hand out. You’ve learned that this means for you to stop, and you do. You still behind her and watch as she takes a few more tentative steps.

Leah’s attention is caught by the movement in the corner of the room, and she looks right at Elyza. Elyza doesn’t budge, and but she keeps the pistol aimed straight for the walker’s head.

“If you can hear me, I don’t hate you,” she says, her voice shaking again. Her arms quiver as though the pistol weighs too much for her to handle, but still, she keeps it up. Her knees are locked to ensure that she can support her own weight. You want nothing more than to put your hand on her shoulder, to comfort her, but you know that you can’t. You stay still and watch on instead.

“I know I said I did, so many times, and you did some really shitty things. But I don’t hate you, Leah. I don’t,” Elyza continues. You can’t see her face, but you’re fairly certain that for the first time you’ve ever been around for, she’s crying. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you listen.

Leah is inches away from the barrel for the gun now, and you wonder if Elyza is going to be able to pull the trigger.

“I’m sorry,” the blonde whispers, her voice strained with emotion. “Your fight is over.”

A shot rings out, and it sounds like something has exploded inside your head. You can’t be sure, but you think you scream as you fall to the ground, slamming into the wall in the process. Images flash through your mind, almost too fast for you to make sense of them, but finally they slow.

War. So much war. There’s blood soaking bright green grass, and you feel your heart ache as you stare down at it. A shooting star, you think, but you know that’s not it. A dropship, a spaceship of some sort. Fire. An empty, deserted subway.

Elyza.

Only, it’s not her. You know it isn’t. This woman’s name is Clarke, and you’re not sure how you know that, but you do.

“Can I say goodbye?” she asks, and suddenly, she’s standing next to a boy tied to a post, her hand bloodied and holding a blade as his chest bleeds profusely.

Image after image races through your mind, and suddenly, you hear a shot ring out again. A man, who you somehow know as Titus, stares at you in shock, and you look down. There’s a hole in your stomach, and black blood pours from it.

Clarke screams something to you - your name.

“Lexa!”

Things blur together, and you feel darkness beginning to erode your vision. You’re staring up at Clarke, and she’s crying. She’s bawling.

“I don’t want the next commander. I want you!”

You feel lips press to your own, but you can’t see anything. You should be afraid, but you aren’t. You’re not scared at all, because death is not the end. The darkness takes you over entirely, and you let it.

When you open your eyes, Clarke is shaking you. She’s saying something, you know, but you can’t hear her. One name keeps repeating through your head and it won’t stop.

_Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. Clarke._

“Alicia? Alicia! I’m here. Who is Clarke? What are you talking about?”

Suddenly, reality rushes back to you. It’s not Clarke who’s shaking you. It’s Elyza. Elyza Lex, the girl who shoots walkers and never lets herself feel it, who always knows how to take the reigns on any situation, who never lets anyone see her weakness. Your mind grasps at the thought that Elyza is much like Lexa - you - but it’s too much for you to process. You sit up hurriedly, nearly blacking out again in the process. Elyza gently leans you up against the wall, her blue eyes staring at you, staring into your soul.

Your heart screams Clarke, but you know it’s not her. A sudden sadness, deeper than any you’ve ever felt in your life, washes over you. It fills you, cuts to your very core, and a sob rises in your throat before you can stop it.

Elyza doesn’t question any further and instead pulls you into her chest, and you breathe in as deep as you can as tears stream down your cheeks.

“Alicia, it’s okay. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.”

But it’s not. It’s not a dream. Lexa is dead. In that life, you are dead. Clarke is still alive, and you’re  grateful. But Elyza remembers nothing. She remembers nothing of the life you had before. Nothing of the love you had before.

\---

Life goes on as normally as possible. Elyza continues killing walkers, you keep standing behind her when she tells you to, and you try your hardest to forget everything. The flashbacks never stop, though. Every day, something happens to bring back something new. When you push a blade through a walker’s head for the first time, you remember the way it felt to kill Gustus after he betrayed you. When Elyza watches on and tries to hide her repulsion as she burns a building full of walkers to the ground, killing every walker inside of it, you remember the way Clarke spoke of Mount Weather and the three hundred some people inside. Every time, there’s a part of you that wishes she would remember, but there’s a part of you that hopes she never does because you don’t want Clarke to die.

You get your second wish for a long time. You’re just Alicia Clark, a scared teenager in the middle of the zombie apocalypse, and she’s just Elyza Lex, and she doesn’t remember anything.

Until one day, she does.

\---

For the first time in weeks, the two of you come across a house with hot running water still running through it. When you turn on a faucet and the heat of said water washes over your cracked and dirty hands, you swear you could have cried with happiness at the sensation.

You offer to let Elyza shower first, knowing without question that a hot shower is the only thing the two of you want. You haven’t bathed for days, let alone in hot water from a shower head. Elyza, of course, denies your offer, and throws a towel at you when you try to protest. You roll your eyes at her but can’t help but smile at her stubbornness. That smile nearly falters when it reminds you of Clarke, but you don’t let it show.

You haven’t brought up what happened that night since then, and she doesn’t ask. You hope that she thinks it truly was only a dream. Though you can’t forget it completely, you’ve started to. You go hours, sometimes even a day without thinking of that life, because you’re so wrapped up in this one. Sometimes, however, you’re overcome with missing her. Clarke.

You soon learn what it feels like to truly be in love with somebody. You loved Matt, yes, but you were never in love. This love you feel for Clarke overwhelms you, fills you, mends the broken pieces inside and makes you feel like everything is going to be fine, even when it isn’t. You don’t allow yourself to think about the fact that you’re in love with a woman, because that fact feels so small in comparison to the strength of said love.

As hot water washes over your shoulders and the tub beneath you turns a nasty shade of brown, you’re once again overcome with missing her. You run your fingers through your hair, even find some shampoo, and try to focus on anything else except her. It only works for moments at a time, because the blonde steals your thoughts time and time again. She invades them, making her presence permanent.

A sudden click pulls you out of your trance, and you still immediately. Soap runs down your forehead and into your eyes, and you breathe in sharply at the sting that follows. You look up only to rinse the soap out, but quickly focus your attention on listening.

There’s a second click, telling you that whoever has intruded on you closed the door behind them. You pause for a moment, confused. Elyza would never just walk in on you this way, you’re sure of it. But, no walker would be coherent enough to open and close a door.

Your intruder doesn’t move or say a word, so you assume it’s Elyza. You hurriedly rinse the soap out of your hair, grateful for the high pressure of the water pouring from the showerhead. It takes only a minute or so to rinse the soap completely out, and you shut off the water as soon as you’re done.

“Elyza?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. You clear your throat and wait for a response.

When you don’t hear anything, your heart begins to race. You will it to be still and peer out from behind the curtain slowly, not sure that you’re prepared for what would happen if a walker were to be standing there.

Only, it isn’t a walker. It’s Elyza. She’s holding a towel out to you, and there’s an expression on her face that you can’t quite identify. This does nothing to calm your nerves, but you grab the towel from her hand and step back into the shower to wrap it around you.

Once it is securely around your torso, you open the shower curtain again to face Elyza. She’s seated on the closed toilet seat, eyes staring straight ahead. It reminds you of the look on her face after she saw Leah, but this time, she’s eerily calm. Her breathing is steady, but the fear in her eyes is still evident.

Your mind begins to race with all the possibilities you can think of. Your family is dead. Your family has been turned into walkers. She found someone she knew, and they’re a walker again. She’s been bitten.

You kneel down in front of Elyza, your hair still dripping wet onto your shoulders. You don’t care, however. Your only focus is the stupefied blonde in front of you.

She doesn’t meet your eyes, and you don’t force her to. Instead, you wait.

“You were dead.”

You raise an eyebrow, confused. Had she been napping and had a bad dream while you were in the shower?

“I’m right here, Elyza. It’s okay. It was just a dream.”

She looks up, now, and your heart stops for a moment. Somehow, you could swear that it isn’t Elyza staring back at you.

You shake your head to rid yourself of the thought and will yourself to focus on the blonde.

“You were dead. You had a bullet in your stomach and you were bleeding, and I tried to save you, but I couldn’t. You were dead.”

Your stomach flips. The coincidences are too eerie, but you don’t want to allow yourself to think that.

“I’m here,” you say, resting your hand over Elyza’s. It’s warm, and it shakes even while it sits on her knee.

“That’s what I said when you called my name while you bled out on my bed,” she responds, voice shaking now. Her once steady breathing is ragged.

You swallow hard, and don’t respond at first. A question, an insane one, pops into your mind. You know you shouldn’t ask it. You’re afraid of any answer you might get in return. Yet, it stumbles from your lips before you can stop it.

“What did I call you?”

Her lip quivers now, and she takes in a breath of air and holds it. You know. You know the answer before she says it, and still, you aren’t prepared when it she breathes it out.

“Clarke. You called me Clarke, Lexa.”

Your knees give out now, and you can’t breathe as your head falls onto her lap. You manage to rest your arms over her thighs in a pitiful attempt to brace yourself, but Elyza wraps her hands around your arms to keep you stable. You remember the way those same warm hands felt as she tried to stop the bleeding, but the furs beneath you continued to turn black.

“How did you die?” you whisper, your voice breaking at the words. The realization that Clarke is dead hits you like a freight train, and your eyes well up with tears.

“Titus finally did what he meant to do that night.”

You don’t know how to identify what you’re feeling. You decide that you’re feeling three things all at once that combine into this strange, unexplainable emotion that you didn’t know existed.

One third of you is so, so happy. Elyza remembers. She remembers everything, like you do, and you can feel in the way her thumb runs across your hand that the love you feel for her - for Clarke - has been remembered too. She feels it, too. Finally, after all this time, Elyza remembers.

One third of you feels completely and utterly devastated. Clarke is dead. That woman, the woman you loved more than you ever thought possible, more than Costia, even, is dead. Much too soon, you presume, as well, by the hands of the same person who killed you.

One third of you is so, so angry. Titus. He swore to you as you took your dying breaths that he would never again attempt to harm Clarke. He seemed so honest, so true to his word. Yet, he betrayed you. Just as Gustus had. You know that he meant well, both of them, but you’re not sure you’re ever going to be able to forgive him. And it feels so strange, to not be able to forgive someone who doesn’t even live in the same world as you do.

“I’ll kill him,” you mutter, your voice guttural and feral in the same way it was when you were Commander. You feel that same anger course through your veins, but it vanishes the second Elyza slips her fingers into your still soaking hair.

You look up, now, tears still streaming down your face. You’re surprised to see Elyza in much the same state, and your chest burns with yearning as you realize just how much she looks like Clarke right then.

“Alicia,” she says, her voice thick with emotion. She swallows it down and takes in a shuddering breath. “He doesn’t exist here. That life...it’s gone. It’s over.”

She laughs a wet and humorless laugh that turns into a sob, and it brings a fresh set of tears to your eyes as she tries to pull herself back together.

“And it’s so strange, because I miss you so much, Lexa. I miss you so much,” she says, and her voice breaks off again. You move before you can think and you pull yourself into her lap. You swing your legs over hers and pull her into your chest, fingers immediately tangled in dirty blonde hair.

“I miss you too, Clarke,” you admit, your own voice cracking as you do so. This mix of two personalities, two entities within you is hard to keep up with. The Lexa in you feels weak and ashamed of the tears, but the Alicia in you wants to cry until you can’t anymore.

“Listen to me,” you say, gently pulling back. You hook your hand behind Elyza’s neck and gently pull her chin upward toward you. She meets your eyes, her own blue ones full to the brim with tears. Devastation and pure, undeniable love mix into a raging sea that hits you in waves as she stares at you.

“That time is gone. I’m right here, okay? That life is over. We will always be Clarke and Lexa, and in our next life, we will also always be Alicia and Elyza,” you say. A thought occurs to you, and you chuckle, a real one this time.

“Alicia Clark and Elyza Lex. Seriously. If that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is,” you say, a true smiling gracing your lips. Elyza smiles, too, just enough to show her teeth. Her arms tighten around your middle, and you let them.

With your free hand, the one that isn’t locked behind her neck, you reach up and wipe away her tears. Fresh ones spill over, but you don’t mind. You wipe those away, too, and lean down before you realize what you’re doing.

Your eyes fall shut and you gently press your lips to hers, tentatively at first. Elyza responds immediately, and her lips part slightly so that you can draw closer to her. She lets out a breath of air and you can feel her melt into you. Memories of yourself and Clarke run through your mind, and you let them, but you allow yourself to stay present at the same time.

The kiss feels as natural and normal as breathing, and you can’t remember a time in this life where you have felt so at peace.

Elyza pulls back first, and you can feel her shaking slightly.

“Are you okay?” You ask, afraid you’ve done something wrong. She opens her eyes, and they’re  full again with tears.

“Now I know what you felt like when I kissed you,” she says, and you remember. You smile at the obvious role reversal that this life has brought you two and push a strand of blonde hair out of your lover’s face.

The two of you sit in silence for a moment, and suddenly a grin spreads across Elyza’s cheeks. She looks down slightly, then looks back up at you. You raise your eyebrow in confusion, and her grin turns to a smirk.

“In case you haven’t noticed, you still haven’t put clothes on,” she says, and you’re amazed at the way she can be snarky and teasing with tears streaming down her cheeks.

You roll your eyes, but you can’t help the smile that comes to your face.

“And she’s back,” you tease, earning a gentle slap from the blonde whose lap you still have not moved from. You stand carefully, ensuring that the towel does not fall off, and sniffle. You look upward and run your thumbs across your cheeks.

Elyza snorts, and you glare at her out of habit. A feeling of lightness creeps into your chest, and the painful longing slowly but surely begins to wear away.

“What?” you inquire, and she’s giggling now.

“I’m sorry, it’s just...the thought of you, but Lexa-you, wiping tears off your cheeks in such a teenage girly way, like full on Commander gear, war paint and all…”

She breaks off into another fit of giggles, and you roll your eyes again. You grab for the nightshirt you had brought in with you from the counter and snap it at her, eliciting a laugh that comes from the depths of her chest. Your own chest rages with love and affection so warm that it feels as though it might mend the ache that your past life left behind.

“I’m going to shoot you,” you tease, letting the towel fall from around you. You should feel panicked, exposed, but you don’t. Elyza doesn’t react at all, and you hope that she feels just as at ease as you do as you pull the nightshirt over your head.

“Too soon,” she pokes back, and you smile.

You’re not sure that any amount of time will ever heal the pain of what happened in the life before. You do know, however, that so long as you find Clarke, Elyza, or whoever she may be in every life that follows, you will be okay. You pray that, until the end of time, the two of you will find each other. You will look into her sea blue eyes that never seem to change from life to life. And you will know. And you will say to each other, “I remember you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of the first part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a couple people ask me to do this...I hope that this lives up to your expectations. Enjoy!

You stand beneath the water of the shower, already growing cold due to the fact that Alicia had used the majority of the hot water before you. You don’t mind, however; the cooling water keeps your mind active. You’re on first watch for the night, so you need to be as alert as possible, at least for the few hours until Alicia takes over.

It’s been four days since you remembered everything. As water trickles over your grimy skin, your mind flashes back to that night. Varying emotions blur together into a whirlwind as you recall the sequence of events leading up to your great epiphany.

\--

_ “Sweet Jesus, there’s hot water,” you say loudly, and you think that you could have cried as you felt the steaming liquid stream down your hand from the bathroom faucet. You hear footsteps bounding down the hall, and Alicia practically slides into the bathroom to see for herself. The water washes over her dirt and blood covered hand, removing the first layer of grime. The younger brunette smiles wide, a blissful breath of relief slipping from her lips at the sensation. _

_ She turns off the water and wipes her hand on her jeans to dry it. _

_ “You’re going first,” she says, turning to you. There’s a glint of authority in her eyes, but you’re having none of it. You scoff and gently shove past her, finding a folded towel sitting on the back of the toilet. You toss it at her face, and she catches it. She brings it down only enough for you to see the death glare she’s shooting you.  _

_ You smile victoriously, and it turns to a smirk. “Like hell I am. You reek.” _

_ Now, it is Alicia’s turn to scoff. She rolls her eyes, but it doesn’t hide the tiny smile playing at her lips.  _

_ “Toss me your clothes, I’ll wash them. This place has a backup generator, so the washer and dryer actually work. A goddamn miracle if you ask me,” you say, stepping around the corner to give the girl time to undress. The gigantic duffel bag carrying both of your clothes (the ones you had time to grab) is still around your shoulder, so you set it down and loot through it. You find the gigantic t-shirt that Alicia has been using as a nightgown and toss it into the bathroom, followed by clean undergarments. You’re rewarded with Alicia’s dirty clothes, and you shoot her a thumbs up as you turn to walk down the hall toward the laundry room. You’re fairly certain that Alicia snorts in response. _

_ Five minutes later, her clothes are in the washer and you’ve made yourself decently comfortable in the bedroom adjacent to the bathroom. You can hear the water running and you will yourself to be patient, knowing you will soon get to be clean as well.  _

_ The bed beneath you is the softest bed you’ve ever lain in. You imagine that it must feel similar to sleeping on a literal cloud in Heaven. Between the hum of the fan in the other room and the cloud-like bed, you soon find yourself being lulled into sleep. _

_ Scenes play out before you, almost too fast for you to keep up with them. Space. You can see the moon from a gigantic window that you’re staring out of. Earth is not far away, either, and good God is it beautiful from up here. Green. The brightest green you can imagine. The whole forest is so bright, so fresh, so...alive. You stare in wonder and breathe deeply, the air so much sweeter than that of the air on the Ark. The Ark? _

_ The unfamiliar words spur another scene. You’re yelling to the guards at the gates of the Ark settlement on the ground to close the gate, and you’re pulling a boy behind you. You’re telling him that you have to get him inside, and he turns to meet your eyes. Suddenly, the scenery around you changes, and pure fear hammers in your chest. You feel a weight on your shoulder and see that the boy, Finn, has rested his head on your shoulder. Something hot and sticky covers your hand, and you pull away, revealing a blade soaked in deep red blood. A strange numbness washes over you, and you turn to your right, and - _

_ Alicia. _

_ Before you have time to process that it’s Alicia, the scene changes again. She’s inches from your face, now, which hurts like a bitch. She reaches up and pulls a gag out of your mouth, and suddenly, you’re seething. Alicia is speaking, saying something about Clarke, but you barely hear her. You spit in her face, and she cringes as you begin screaming, screaming at the top of your lungs.  _

_ Suddenly, rage gives way to devastation, and your heart drops to the floor at the image before you.  _

_ “LEXA!” you scream, the name leaving your lips as naturally as breathing. It sounds foreign, but right. There’s a blur, then you’re looking down at Lexa/Alicia. There’s a bullet wound in her stomach and thick black blood pours out of it. A beat later, you’re gently closing her eyes for the last time, and sobs rip themselves from your chest. Titus pulls you backward, gently, and if you weren’t so devastated, you would kill him with your bare hands. _

_ Before you get the chance to do that, however, you hear a gunshot. You crumple to the floor, your vision already fading from your eyes. Titus stares down over you, a fire raging in his eyes as he drops the gun next to your head. _

_ “Your presence caused me to take Heda’s life, Clarke,” he says, his voice more of a hiss than words. “Now, you pay for that with yours.” _

_ He turns to leave, and breathing in gets harder and harder. You hear disgusting gurgling sounds as liquid fills your throat. With the last of your vision, you see him turn back around, and his last words send chills down your spine. _

_ “Blood must have blood.” _

_ You shoot up in bed, tremors racking your frame. Your chest heaves, and it feels as though you’re breathing sand. Your lungs burn. No amount of air seems to be enough. _

_ As you grip the sheets in a desperate attempt to steady yourself, your mind grasps at thoughts, but to no avail. You stop trying to process and instead focus on calming down. _

_ When you’re able to breathe normally and your hands don’t shake as badly, you know. Alicia’s episode weeks ago makes sense. You don’t have the mental capacity to understand, but you accept what you know to be true. _

_ You stand slowly and walk toward the bathroom, where Lexa/Alicia is still showering. _

\--

The four days since that episode have been eventful. It’s been hard to keep up with the memories and the traits, and the sensation of two personalities, two selves, in each of you. Still, though, you do.

You rinse out the remaining soap from your hair and allow yourself to stand beneath the cool water for a moment longer. When you begin to shiver, you reach down and turn the knob to the off position, and the waterfall stops.

You step out into the seemingly frigid air and immediately grab for your towel. The warm fabric wrapped around your torso makes the air slightly more bearable, but you don’t stay there for long. You quickly run it up and down your body to take off the excess droplets of water before pulling a nightshirt over your head. You then pull on a clean pair of boyshorts from the pack stolen from Walmart and open the door.

Miraculously, you and Alicia have been able to reside in the same house for going on five days now. Before, you were lucky to get through one night, but this neighborhood has stayed fairly quiet. A few other people have settled into the other houses around you, and they’ve helped to keep the area reasonably safe. A Walker here and there is nothing compared to the hordes that storm most of the inner city streets.

You check every room and make sure that every window, door, or entrance of any sort is locked down tightly. Whoever owned this house before the apocalypse didn’t mess around, and you wonder why they didn’t just stay here. They’d have been perfectly safe, and they had enough food stocked up to last them weeks. You shrug thought off, however, and replace it with gratitude that you and Alicia were able to find the place instead.

She resides in the bedroom adjacent to the bathroom, already asleep on the cloud bed, her nightshirt discarded on the floor next to it. As soon as you walk into the room, the warm scent of vanilla fills your nostrils, and your eyes are drawn to the only source of light in the room. A candle is lit and sits upon the nightstand.

You can’t help but roll your eyes at Alicia’s sleeping form, because of  _ course  _ there’s a candle lit. One of the happier memories that you’ve recalled from your lives as Lexa and Clarke is Lexa’s obsession with candles. Every room in the Polis tower was full of them, no matter what time of the day it was. The first time Alicia lit a candle at one in the afternoon, you couldn’t help the way her predecessor’s name fell from your lips.

\--

_ “Lexa, are you kidding me? It’s one in the frickin’ afternoon,” you groan, crossing your arms in mild annoyance at the younger girl’s form crouched in front of the nightstand. She blows out the match in her hand and sets it down next to the candle, which already is beginning to fill the room with the sweet scent of lavender. _

_ Alicia turns, the corner of her mouth pulled upward in a smirk as you realize the name you’d let slip. She doesn’t seem to mind, however, and she stands to face you. You approach her slowly, and she instinctively reaches up and locks her arms around your neck. _

_ Though at this time two days ago, you’d never even hugged before, the affection feels natural. You wrap your arms around her waist and pull her closer to you, relishing in the warmth she brings you. _

_ “Yell at me for my candles all you want, but if I find charcoal stains in this stranger’s carpet again, I’m throwing you out to the street,” she says, and your cheeks flush. An hour of digging in the early morning hours had unveiled a collection of art supplies. Though you had never touched a piece of charcoal in your life, let alone a canvas, you’d drawn Alicia by memory. You were completely unaware of the stains left on your hands, and thus the carpet. _

_ You reign your attention back in and look to the brunette in your arms, your thumb absently rubbing circles on her back. She smiles, and you raise an eyebrow at her as another memory comes to mind.  _

_ “Sure you wouldn’t want to kick me off the upstairs balcony? I mean, I’m sure we could go chat up there, in private, if you’d like,” you tease, and you’re rewarded with a shove. You shiver slightly as the warmth is taken away from your front. _

_ “The guy was a dick, Clarke,” Alicia retorts, and you smile at the strange mix of Lexa and Alicia in the sentence. _

\--

“Niron.”

Her voice is quiet, but it startles you out of your memory. Alicia is awake on the bed in front of you, and she reaches her hand out toward you. In the dim light of the candle, you’re fairly certain she’s got the smallest of smiles on her face.

The term of endearment in your past language brings a warmth to your chest, and you step forward to oblige her. You sit on the edge of the bed and she curls herself around you. Her head rests on your lap, and you run your fingers through her still slightly damp hair. Your own hair drips with residual moisture, but you can’t find it in you to care.

“I’m here, love,” you tell her, your own voice sounding slightly foreign. You still struggle to grasp the sound of yourself with an American accent, and when you’ve let yourself explore your past memories, the sound of your own voice doesn’t seem quite right.

Alicia breathes deeply, and her eyes flutter shut once again. You feel her hand gently running across the bare skin of your back under your shirt, and you fight the heaviness in your eyelids at the relaxing sensation. You do have to stay awake and watch, after all.

Her fingers trace each hump of your spine that sticks out from your slumped form. A comfortable silence settles over the two of you, and the constant anxiety and vigilance slips away from you.

“Has a Walker ever actually gotten in here? I mean...there was one clawing at the door last night for an hour and it didn’t even leave a dent,” Alicia says, her voice slow and deep from sleep. You nod, though she can’t see you.

“Nah, I guess they haven’t,” you agree. You trace your finger around the tired brunette’s eyes in an infinity pattern in an attempt to relax, willing the pang of fear that the pattern brings to go away. You notice Alicia tense slightly as well, but she soon settles, likely going through the same thought process that you did.

“Let’s just sleep tonight, okay?” she suggests, and you nod. You begin to stand, and she moves off of your lap and straightens herself out on the bed. You grab a shotgun out of the bag on the ground below you, load it carefully, and set it gently on the nightstand beside the candle. You know the likelihood of needing it is low, but you aren’t taking any chances. You’re not losing her again.

You walk over to the other side of the bed and crawl into it, but not after removing your nightshirt and placing it on the floor. The sheets are silky against your skin, and it reminds you of the first time the two of you lie bare in the same bed together. Tattoos flash through your mind, slightly shining in the light of the afternoon sun.

Alicia wordlessly scoots closer to you and tangles herself in your limbs, ensnaring your legs with her own. She then wraps her arms around your torso and buries her face in the crook of your neck. Her breath is warm and comforting against your collarbone.

You wrap your own arms around her shoulders as well. You pull her closer to you, and you feel her smile against your neck. She lets out a relaxed breath as you tangle your hand in her hair and again begin to run your fingers through it.

“Lyza,” she says quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. It sends vibrations through your bones, and you swear you’ve never felt more at peace.

“Yes, Lysh?”

“I love you.”

The words take you aback for a moment. Her voice holds a tenderness that you’ve not heard in this life, and you’re overcome with adoration. You rack your brain for just a moment and realize that she was gone before you ever had the chance to say those words.

“Ai hod yu in,” you reply in your past tongue. You can’t help the way your voice trembles. Bliss and sadness wash over you all at once, and the conflicting emotions are difficult to keep up with.

Alicia seems to simply know, for she presses a gentle kiss to the most sensitive part of your neck, sending a shiver through you. Warmth courses through you, and you feel the cracks start to come apart. Her presence showers you with a sense of security and safety, and your walls come down. 

“We’re right here, baby. Right here,” Alicia whispers. She pulls back from the crook of your neck only enough to meet your eyes. 

She doesn’t say another word. She just looks at you like she really sees you. She stares into your raging sea of blue eyes with her emerald greens and she’s looking into your soul, the very heart of who you are. She knows you.

You lean down and your eyes flutter shut. Her lips are already parted, and you kiss her ever so gently as though you fear that you might break her. Alicia snakes her hand around your neck to pull you closer, and you oblige.

“Don’t you dare leave me again, you understand me?” you say between kisses, and she nods. You taste salt, and when you open your eyes, you see the tears that have begun to stream down her cheeks. You kiss them away instinctively, and the action causes fresh ones to spill over.

“I need you,” you whisper, and your voice is strained. The lump in your throat makes it difficult to speak as your eyes dart frantically between hers. “I need you, you idiot.”

Alicia scoots up slightly so that you can bury your face in her neck, now, and you do just that. She holds you as close to her body as physically possible, and your resolve shatters. Your arms wrap around her and you grip tightly onto her shoulders as grief racks your body. You never had time to really feel Lexa’s death in the life before, and the loss hits you like a freight train despite being held by her very same soul. Though she’s right there, alive and well, Alicia doesn’t bother to convince you that everything is fine. She lets you cry. 

You’re not sure how much time passes until the grief finally leaves you. You’re left sniffling into her neck, and she has not stopped tracing circles on your shoulder blade for even a moment.

Embarrassment begins to flood over you, and you shift uncomfortably in her arms. You’re not the type who allows themselves to feel so much, and the sensation of crying that hard for that long is foreign and somewhat shameful to you.

“Feeling is not weakness, Elyza,” Alicia whispers, and you rearrange so that you are again holding her. The two of you lock gazes, and the sincerity is evident in her eyes. “It merely means that you’re alive and human.”

“In this life, did we get telepathic abilities or something?” you ask teasingly, allowing yourself a small smile. Alicia smiles back, the little Lexa half smile, as you’ve deemed it. 

“I don’t know, but that shit would be cool,” she says, cocking an eyebrow. The Alicia eyebrow. 

A true laugh bubbles up from your chest, and it feels so light. The sound makes Alicia giggle too, and for a moment, the two of you just stare at each other, tiny smiles resting on your lips.

As your eyes travel wordlessly over your lover’s features, a thought crosses your mind. You have both learned from the life you lived before. Alicia has learned from Lexa’s cold and guarded mindset and allowed herself to feel. She no longer shies from love and embraces the entire range of emotions. You have learned strength and a somewhat hardened quality, one that keeps you together and drives you to continue fighting the hard fight. You are both the perfect mix of each other’s lessons, of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Your mind wanders and questions what you will each learn from each other in this life, and what kind of people you will be in the next.

Alicia’s breathing has steadied, and you realize that she is asleep in your arms. You smile contentedly at the sight. You press your lips to the warm skin of her forehead and let them rest there for a moment.

The next life will be there for you when the time is right. For now, all that matters to you is the snarky, bright eyed brunette breathing gentle vibrations against your collarbone as she rests peacefully for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. For all you know, it literally is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My shipper heart can't deal with this. I hope this makes you squeal and smile idiotically just the same way it did for me :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I'm definitely not done with this story. This chapter is ten pages long in Google Docs, and over six thousand words, but I hope it's worth the length. Enjoy! Again, thank you so much for your support.

Sunlight is just barely beginning to stream in through the window when you wake, the aching pang of hunger in your stomach being the cause. You’re immediately grumpy about the fact that you’re awake so godawfully early. The growl of your stomach trumps your annoyance, however, and you make a plan to head to the kitchen. 

Before you can manage to pull yourself out of bed, the arm wrapped around your waist tightens. The corner of your lip pulls lazily up into a smile as you turn your head to face the still sleeping blonde next to you. 

Her hair is incredibly messy and it falls in front of her face. There’s a slight twinge in your heart as you see the cut over her left eyebrow. It’s small, but you still feel guilty about the fact that she got it saving you the day before. A walker had again gotten just a bit too close to you for her liking and she’d jumped in front of it, and the walker shoved her out of its way. She fell and scratched her head on the table behind you, and though it had only been a small gash, it bled profusely. You tried hard not to panic, and she kept shushing you and telling you that she was fine, but it was to no avail.

You tear your eyes away from the gash and focus instead on the rest of her visible features. She looks so peaceful and almost angelic in her sleep. Her eyebrows are not furrowed in worry, and her tired eyes are shut and free from panic. It’s nice to see the change.

You let out a tiny snort as you see a line of drool coming from her slightly open mouth. For someone who can look so incredibly attractive and makes your knees weak with one simple look, it’s rather amusing to see her look even slightly unattractive. You can’t kid yourself, though, because you’d be a liar if you tried to say her drooling, messy-haired self wasn’t absolutely adorable to you.

You stare at her for just a little longer, but your growling stomach forces you to take your attention elsewhere. Gently, so that you don’t wake your girlfriend, you untangle yourself from her grasp and stand. Your limbs ache from all of the running you had done while in the city yesterday. You’re limping slightly as you head to the kitchen, but you don’t let it get to you.

When you open the refrigerator door, you let out a groan of disappointment at how empty it is. There’s nothing substantial there aside from the gallons of milk you’ve been rationing, so you begin to search through the cabinets. You sit on the countertop and rummage through them one by one. Again, you come up empty handed. Two girls who are anything but ladylike in a zombie apocalypse apparently go through food rather quickly. (You can’t give yourself the right to be too surprised, however, considering the night before had been spent watching a DVD and plowing through several TV dinners.)

“Hungry, babe?”

Elyza’s voice startles you, and you turn your head slightly to find her standing next to you in nothing more but her nightshirt and presumably boyshorts. You wear only a bra and boyshorts, yourself, and she hands you one of her shirts to slip over your goosebump-covered skin. You do so wordlessly as she ruffles her matted but beautiful blonde hair.

“My soul is going to literally depart from my body if we don’t find food soon,” you say, spinning around on the counter so that you’re facing her. Your legs dangle over the edge, and she steps between them and wraps her arms around your waist. The smile that creeps onto your cheeks is involuntary, but you don’t bother hiding it.

“Can’t have that, can we?” Elyza says lazily, her voice still deep and husky from sleep. Your stomach flips with butterflies at the sound. You lean down and place a kiss to the tip of her nose, eliciting a tired grin from the slightly older woman.

“No, definitely not,” you agree as she leans into your chest. You can’t help but notice how domestic it all is, and you’re filled with gratefulness at the realization.

“We also can’t have you being such an extra, dramatic hoe all the time,” Elyza says, her words vibrating against your neck. You nudge your shoulder slightly forward in a gentle shove, and the giggle that tumbles from her lips makes you truly consider doing it again.

“Shut up, Lyza,” you mumble quietly. Your stomach growls once again, and you sigh. “Let’s go get dressed and find some food.”

The two of you do just that. You pull together some sort of outfit, no longer caring which clothes belong to each person. As long as you have your Adidas jacket and she has her black leather one, the rest of the clothes can belong to anybody. The final, routine piece of your outfits is your weapons of choice.

Today, Elyza grabs for her shotgun and her most prized possession, her Desert Eagle pistol. Her other pistol, a nine millimeter that had been your weapon for the majority of your time together, sits next to the other two guns. You consider grabbing it as your backup but decide you don’t need it. You’ve become quite proficient in another weapon.

Your precious baby glints in the rising morning sun, the reflection of light nearly blinding you as you approach it. The intricately engraved metal hilt is still the second object of your affection. You don’t think you’ll ever stop appreciating the designs that cover it, and you see no reason to. You pick it up gently, as though you’ll break it, and you have to laugh at yourself for a moment. This sword has slashed through several walkers, bone and all, and yet you still treat it as if it’s a piece of fine china. Its cover and shoulder strap lie on top of the dresser beside it, and you set the sword down to pull the shoulder strap on first. When it’s secured around your body, you slip the sword into its protective covering and turn around to face Elyza.

She’s completely ready, as well. Her black fingerless gloves match her leather jacket in badassery levels perfectly, and you still find yourself intimidated by this version of her. She’d holding out your second most prized possession, a small dagger with a wooden grip that seems to mold perfectly to your hand, and its protective casing as well. This casing slips through your belt loops like a belt would and snaps in front. You slip the dagger inside and look back up to meet Elyza’s eyes.

“Never thought I’d ever need guns and swords to raid a Walgreens,” she says, smirking slightly. You smile and nod, then turn to head out the door. You make certain to lock it behind you and pocket the key.

“Kom wor.”

\--

The nearest Walgreens, the apparent store of choice to raid, is about a fifteen minute walk from the house you’ve now essentially claimed as yours. The majority of the city is abandoned, anyway, so most of the residents are walkers who don’t particularly need houses. As long as they’ve got a body to munch on, they seem quite content. You hope that the dramatic decrease in population will mean that the stores are still stocked.

The automatic doors still function, so you assume that means the store has a backup generator. You’re proven correct when the lights inside are on.

Elyza grabs for a cart and hands it to you.

“Don’t think anyone will miss this terribly,” she says, and you nod, your eyes already scanning the room for food to grab.

Your prayer from earlier has been answered; the store looks to be almost completely stocked, left just as it was when the town evacuated. You can tell, however, that some of the very sparse citizens left have gotten to a small bit of the produce left behind.

Your eyes scan the aisles as you walk tentatively, Elyza right on your heels with the Desert Eagle drawn and ready to shoot if necessary. When you see boxes of cereal, you’re certain you’re about to cry with happiness.

“Fruit Loops, Elyza. They have F-”

Elyza puts her hand over your mouth, and you panic for a moment before you realize it’s her. You turn to her, confused, but your confusion doesn’t last for long. The familiar growling and gurgling of a walker sounds in the otherwise silent room. Your ears immediately begin to search for the source of the noise, but your concentration is broken by a second sound.

“Dad...Dad, it’s me. It’s Kory,” says a scared voice. It’s a boy, you can tell that much. There’s a slight familiarity to it, but you don’t give it much thought as you slowly walk forward toward the sound.

“Kory. Your son. Please, Dad! Please don’t let them hurt me!”

You know that voice. You’re certain of it, now, and disbelief washes over you as you and Elyza sprint toward the source.

He’s lying on his back, propped up on his elbows as he tries desperately to crawl backwards. Panic is evident in his features. His breath heaves, and he’s borderline hyperventilating as three walkers stumble toward him. He could easily stand and run, but you know that one of those walkers is his father. You don’t blame him for not being able to walk away. You remember the way Elyza was with Leah and imagine this is something like that.

You turn to Elyza, and you know that she recognizes him as well. Her eyes are wide with disbelief and her mouth hangs slightly open. 

She meets your eyes and nods, bringing the pistol up slowly. The two of you slow the speed of your steps so that you aren’t heard. You step to the side slowly and meet the boy’s eyes. He looks terrified, and your heart aches for him. You press your finger to your lips, shushing him, and he nods slowly.

Elyza shoots the two walkers on the far left and far right, two quick headshots sending them crumpling to the floor. The third walker turns around, rather quickly for someone who’s dead, and starts heading toward her.

“Dad, please!” the young boy cries out, and his hand flies up to cover his mouth. He realizes immediately that he just drew the walker’s attention back to him, and his eyes widen in renewed fear.

As the walker, his father, continues to walk toward him, his eyes fill with unshed tears. Elyza stands there, finger on the trigger, but she doesn’t pull it. She’s frozen in her tracks, transfixed by the walker stumbling away toward the ever so familiar boy.

You know it’s up to you, now, and your heart aches at what you’re about to do. 

“Close your eyes,” you say to him over his father’s gurgling and growling sounds. He turns to you, and a single tear drips down his cheek. Confusion washes over his face, but you try your best to convey your urgency to him.

A name tugs on your tongue, but you don’t want to add to his stress in the moment. You bite back the urge and steel your tone as you repeat your statement.

“Close your eyes.”

This time, he listens to you. His eyes fall shut, and a few more tears slip out over his dirt covered face.

With an expertise and finesse that you didn’t know you possessed, you draw your sword from its hilt and pull it back, your eyes lining up with your target point. You can picture the trajectory in your mind, and once you’re satisfied that it’s where it’ll need to be, you draw the blade back in preparation. With the force of your entire body, you slice it through the air and effectively decapitate the walker. His head falls to the floor with a sickening squish that makes your stomach lurch.

A loud gasp pulls you out of your disgust, and your head snaps up. The young boy, who you now judge to be about fourteen or fifteen, has fallen completely onto his back. His back is arched and his mouth hangs slightly open. A pained expression settles on his face, and you’re immediately flooded with fear.

Elyza follows right behind you as you rush to his side. You sit crosslegged on the floor and pull his head into your lap, soft shushing sounds tumbling from your lips. Elyza grabs hold of his hand as his head snaps back and forth. He murmurs unintelligible words for a few moments, but one word suddenly pops out, and it strikes you to your core in the same way that Elyza had weeks ago.

“Heda…”

You and Elyza meet gazes, likely wearing the same expression. It’s strange to you, still, how you can look at the same person twice in the same minute and see two different people staring back at you. Now, it is Clarke who gazes back into your eyes.

The boy finally stills, and for a moment, he doesn’t move at all. He hardly looks like he’s breathing. Suddenly, his eyes shoot open, and he takes in a huge breath of air. His eyes begin to dart back and forth, and his breathing rapidly accelerates.

“Breathe, you’re okay. You’re safe,” Elyza whispers. She runs her fingers slowly through ashy, shaggy blonde hair, and the younger boy looks up to meet her eyes.

“Dude...Clarke got hot.”

The Lexa and Alicia parts of you react at the same time, and it’s a rather amusing mixture of the two. You smack Aden on the shoulder and spit out a “em pleni” as you do so. Aden/Kory turns and looks at you, and the silly grin on his face starts to falter. His eyes widen slightly and he clears his throat.

“Apologies, Heda,” he says, his voice returning to the soft and respectful tone that you remember. Elyza snorts at the interaction, and the sound brings a smile to your lips against your will.

Kory sits up slowly from your lap, and his hand reaches up to fix his shaggy hair. He rubs at his eyes, confused, and then relaxes. He sits crosslegged on the floor facing the two of you. Somehow, the dead walkers on the floor a few feet across from you are mostly ignored.

Kory’s eyes wander over to the body of his father, and his expression falls. Sadness creeps into his eyes as they scan, taking in every inch of someone you know he wanted to believe was still his father.

“Yu nontu?” Elyza asks quietly, her voice tender and gentle. Kory nods, seemingly unfazed by the use of his past tongue. You’re not sure if he’s even registered the difference yet.

He stares for a moment longer, then takes in a deep breath and forces himself to turn back to you and Elyza. You wait for him to speak, knowing he must have questions.

Your assumption is proven to be correct as soon as he gathers himself enough to speak.

“Just to make sure...this is real? Like, we aren’t all tripping on some weird drug?” Kory asks, and you chuckle. Elyza smirks at him, then softens her features and nods.

“It’s real,” she says, and Kory raises an eyebrow. Elyza tilts her head slightly in confusion.

“You sure sound different,” he says, and all three of you can’t help but smile at the statement.

“That’s what I thought, too. Not used to Clarke being an Aussie,” you agree, and Elyza smiles and rolls her eyes. She shifts slightly and pulls her knees up closer to her chest, then leans on them for support. You will yourself not to focus on how attractive she looks and instead turn your eyes to Kory.

“So how does this happen? Are there any more of us here?” he inquires. His voice is gentle and respectful, like Aden’s, and you wonder how you’re going to get used to not being in the Heda/natblida dynamic with him. You can tell he’s struggling to grasp it, too, by the way he changes his demeanor when he speaks to you.

“One, relax, Aden. I’m not your commander anymore, not here. We’re equal,” you tell him, and he smiles slightly. He lets his shoulders slump and something changes in his eyes. He looks more like a teenage boy, now, and you realize that you never truly got to see him be a kid before. You thank whoever is responsible for this that you finally have the chance.

“Two, I don’t know. Elyza and I didn’t think there was anyone else but the two of us, but then you showed up,” you say. You realize how that might come off and quickly correct yourself. “Which is a good thing. Trust me, it’s a good thing.”

Kory smirks at you, and you furrow your brow. His smirk breaks into a grin, and now it is your turn to tilt your head at him.

“It’s so weird to see you act like a normal person,” he teases, and you reach over to smack him on the shoulder again. He dodges it and lets out a hearty laugh, and God, that’s a beautiful sound. You realize quickly that while Aden was your student, your child, almost, Kory will be more like your younger brother. You’re grateful for the change, and interested to see how the overlapping dynamics will work out.

“Question for you, buddy,” Elyza says, smiling at your antics. You and Kory turn to face her completely.

“What’s your last name, by chance?”

You see where this is going and you smile, wondering if this universe will have him following the same rule as what you and Elyza have.

“You aren’t going to believe me,” he says, and you smirk.

“Oh trust me, we will. Let me guess...it’s some derivative of Heda or Lexa, isn’t it?” you ask, and he smiles and nods.

“My name is Kory Hed. How’d you guess?” Kory asks incredulously. You hold out your hand, and he takes it, confused. You shake it gently and clear your throat.

“Alicia Clark, with no ‘e’ at the end,” you say, and he smiles as realization washes over him. You let go of his hand gently, and Elyza holds hers out to him.

“Elyza Lex, at your service,” she says matter-of-factly, giving his hand a firm shake. He smiles again, Kory’s smile, and your heart fills with adoration at his interaction with your lover.

“Come on, let’s search for some food and get out of here. We can keep talking when we get home,” you say, and Elyza and Kory nod. Neither of the two protest the idea of Kory coming with you, and you know that there was no other option in their minds in the first place.

You place your bloodied sword back into its cover and make a note to clean it when you get home. The sight of your dagger makes you pause for a moment.

You unclip it and slowly pull the rope out from around your belt loops. Kory meets your eyes when you look up, and you give him a half smile.

“Here. You need a weapon,” you tell him. He takes it and sort of stares at it for a moment, as though unsure what to do with it. You can’t help the way your smile grows.

“Don’t worry. You’ll know,” you tell him, and he nods. He clasps it around his waist, and the three of you head for the cart to continue your shopping spree. You pretend not to notice the way Kory’s eyes get misty as he looks back at his father, who’s bleeding out onto the cold tile. 

You start grabbing anything that looks remotely good. Canned vegetables, an ungodly number of popcorn boxes, fruit cups, cereal, beef jerky, a shitton of candy, and a few other items make their way into the cart as you walk.

Three of you mozy past the candle aisle, and you stop in your tracks. You walk backward until the aisle is back in view, and a smile crosses your face at the sight. The shelves on either side are stacked to the very edges with every candle you can imagine would be available in a convenience store. You move to walk down the aisle, but a hand grabs your shirt and pulls you backward.

The sight you turn around to makes you literally laugh out loud. You let out a loud “ha!” before your hand rushes up to your mouth to conceal your laughter. Even as you pull it away, you can’t stop the toothy grin that refuses to fade.

Elyza and Kory wear the same unamused expression as they stare at you, heads tilted the same direction. Their eyes are ever so slightly closed, one eyebrow raised, lips pursed into a fine line. You’ve lived with a brother and a rather sassy mother your entire life, but you have never seen anyone look this done with you before. 

“Come on. One?” you ask, and they both shake their head simultaneously. Your Alicia temper flares just the tiniest bit, and your smile fades only a little as you roll your eyes and walk ahead of them.

“Is she always this sassy?” Kory whispers, a little too loudly for you not to notice it. You raise an eyebrow and wait for Elyza to respond as you grab a few bags of potato chips from the nearest shelf.

“Most of the time. Don’t let it fool you, though, she’s also a complete sap,” Elyza whispers back. You can hear the grin in her voice. Half of you is endeared by the conversation, and the other grumpy and hungry half of you is having none of it.

“You will respect your Heda,” you say as convincingly as you can from your spot ahead of them. You whip around and toss the bags of chips a bit too hard at them, but they both catch a bag while the rest of them fall into the cart. You giggle as you see Kory’s face suddenly return to that respectful, quiet manner, then break into a grin as he realizes how he reacted.

“That’s not fair, you can’t do that to the poor boy,” Elyza says as you turn toward the door. When you arrive, you all begin loading your bounty into plastic bags, not particularly feeling like wheeling the heavy cart fifteen minutes away anymore.

“Yeah, that was a dick move,” Kory says pitifully. You and Elyza react at the same time, both smacking him on opposite shoulders and letting out a scolding “ADEN!”

“Dammit,” Elyza says immediately after, chuckling to herself as she tosses containers of beef jerky into a plastic bag. The loading is almost finished, and you now have to prepare for the potentially risky walk home.

The venture back to the house you’ve hijacked is taken in quiet, watchful silence. You each hold at least four bags in your hands, but you let them rest on your wrists as you keep a tight grip on your weapons. Kory twirls the dagger absently in his hands as naturally as if he were writing, and a sense of pride fills your heart. You can’t seem to stop thanking God for bringing him to you and Elyza.

A sickening thought occurs to you suddenly, but you swallow down the dread you feel and decide to wait until you’re home and unpacked before you bring it up.

Thirty minutes later, food is packed away into cabinets and you’re sitting on the floor in the living room, each of you with a bowl of cereal in hand. You crunch on the fruity rounds, doing your best not to devour the bowl too quickly.

“So is anyone going to bring it up, or do I have to?” Kory asks quietly. He spoons through his bowl of Lucky Charms, searching for the marshmallows instead of eating the cereal normally. You want to smile, but the elephant in the room is too heavy to allow you to do so.

You all know what he’s talking about, and Elyza lets out a heavy sigh. She sets down her own bowl of Lucky Charms and swallows, wiping the dribble of milk on her chin on the back of her long-sleeved shirt.

“We know what happened to Alicia, obviously,” she says, and you don’t miss the way she winces slightly. It’s barely perceptible, but Kory picks up on it too, because you notice how his eyes soften as he looks at her. He bows his head slightly at the memory.

“Titus finally got his wish and shot me,” Elyza continues, and Kory nods. You immediately find yourself missing the lighthearted and happy air that had been there moments ago, but you know this needs to be said. You’re not sure if you’ll ever be ready to hear what happened to Kory, to Aden. 

You aren’t given the time to consider that, however, because he’s already asking questions.

“Were you still alive when I died?” he inquires. His voice is low, and he seems to shrink almost imperceptibly into himself.

When you look back to Elyza, you’re again taken aback at how suddenly un-Elyza she is. The empathetic look on her face is one you’ve seen so many times in the life before, and you know that it’s Clarke sitting there.

She nods sadly and sucks her bottom lip into her mouth for a moment. She lets it go almost immediately though and steels herself over, not wanting to get emotional. 

“When I got to throne room after the victory horn was blown, Ontari was sitting in the throne,” she says, and her voice wavers. You feel your stomach start to churn, and you swallow hard. “She was covered in black.”

The words send you reeling, and you feel genuinely dizzy as their meaning registers in your mind. You hang your head in your hands to steady yourself. You hear shuffling, and suddenly, the two other people in the room are sitting on either side of you. Elyza has her hand on your back, and Kory simply sits next to you, giving you someone to quite literally lean on if you need to.

“Alicia, plug your ears,” Elyza warns, but you shake your head. This is your Aden, your natblida, and you’ll be damned if you don’t listen to this. You owe it to them after leaving so soon.

Elyza doesn’t push any further. Instead, she takes a deep breath and rubs small circles on your back with her thumb.

“There was a cloth bag leaning against the throne,” she continues, and your breath hitches in your throat. You know where this is going, and you wonder if Kory does, too. He stills next to you, and you reach a hand over to place it on his knee.

“It was my head, wasn’t it?” he asks, his voice unsteady with emotion. Elyza bites her lip and nods, and it’s too much for you. You stand quickly and walk toward the dining room, your hands resting on the back of a chair. 

You grip it until your knuckles are white, then your eyes fall shut as new memories race through your mind. 

When you met Aden, he was three years old. You were still a child, yourself, not yet Commander. He had fallen and scraped his knee on a rock, and it bled black. When you took him to the well in the center of the village to pour water over the scrape, you nicked your finger on the sharp underside of the bucket’s rim. You’ll never forget how his eyes went wide with wonder at the black drop of blood that seeped from it.

The next memory that comes to mind is a few years down the road. You became Commander of your people, and as you looked out into the cheering crowd, you saw little Aden, just now turning nine years old. He was smiling at you as wide as could be, and when you pulled that red sash over your shoulder, he clapped harder than anyone else in the crowd.

You can tell that years have passed between that memory and the next that comes to mind, and the second you slip into the new memory, your heart is filled with grief. 

\--

_ You’re not quite eighteen years old. The room where you stand, the Commander’s quarters, is dark. It is late in the evening, and though you would usually have enough candles lit to make it appear to be midday, there are only a few, now. The darkness around you is a perfect reflection of the darkness and emptiness you feel inside. Your eyes prick with tears as you stare out the balcony. _

_ “Heda?” _

_ You jump slightly, startled by the small voice. No one was supposed to disturb you at this hour, and rage flares in your chest as you spin around. The fire in your eyes dies immediately, however, when you see the source of the voice.  _

_ Aden is one of the natblidas that you train, now. He’s just barely eleven years old, and though he has impressed you as of late with his strength, he appears so small as he bows before you. _

_ “Rise, Aden,” you say quietly, and you scold yourself for the way your voice trembles. You must not let him, or anyone for that matter, see you being so weak. _

_ Aden stands and looks to you, doe-eyed. He approaches you slowly and stops just a couple of feet away from you. Silently, he reaches into his pocket. _

_ He pulls out a braided lock of hair. It is curly and wild, and pieces stick out everywhere. For a half a second, you wonder how anyone could possibly braid such unruly strands, but your heart breaks before you can entertain the thought. Aden holds it out to you, and you take it gently.  _

_ Your thumb runs the length of it, and memories threaten to flash through your mind. You don’t let them, however, and you pocket the lock with a hard swallow. _

_ Aden is looking down, now, and you can see the tips of his ears turning red. His brow is furrowed ever so slightly. His hands lock in front of him, and in that moment, he is not your warrior. He is not your second, your trainee, your nightblood. He’s just Aden, an eleven year old boy who misses one of his best friends. And God, do you miss her, too. _

_ You kneel down, supporting yourself on your left knee while your right stays bent to keep you steady. Aden looks up cautiously, and you see surprise flash in his eyes at the sight of his Heda bent down before him. While in training, you have only ever stood or sat in the throne in his presence, and he has never looked at you eye to eye. _

_ Now, however, you’re slightly looking up at him, and a lump rises in your throat when you notice the way his eyes are shining with unshed tears. His bottom lip trembles, and he moves to bite down on it in an attempt to stop it. His jaw clenches hard, and that’s your last straw. _

_ You reach forward and pull him into as tight a hug as you can muster, and the action alone brings tears to your eyes. You have not hugged him in years, and the only person who has hugged you for the past two years period was her. Now, she is gone, and you felt before as though you have no one. You see, now, that this is not true. _

_ Aden sniffles as he wraps his arms around your shoulders, and he buries his face in your neck. You glare at the guards that stand in front of your door, and they need no more warning before they leave immediately, guarding from the outside rather than in. _

_ “I’m sorry, Heda,” Aden whispers, and you don’t have to ask what he is apologizing for. You tighten your grip slightly as you shush him. _

_ “Love is not weakness, Aden. No matter what happens, no matter what I have to say or do now, don’t you dare think that love is weakness,” you tell him. He nods, and you feel wetness dripping onto the skin of your neck. The lump in your throat is becoming harder and harder to swallow back. _

_ “I miss her,” he whispers, and it comes out almost as a whine. You try to respond, but the sound that leaves your throat is anything but a word. _

_ You break, your body shaking as sobs wrack your frame. You bury your face in his shoulder as tears stream down both of your cheeks. You hang onto him tightly, because he’s all you have left. _

\--

“Alicia?”

Your eyes shoot open suddenly, and you gasp for air. You realize that you haven’t been breathing, and your lungs search for oxygen desperately.

Aden - Kory - stands next to you. His face is contorted with worry, and you’re slightly taken aback for a moment by how much older he looks. You take a few seconds to regather the facts of reality, but you still can’t shake the heavy ache in your chest.

Warm hands slip over your shoulders and down your arms, and Elyza’s soft and comforting body presses into your back. She rests her head on your shoulder from behind and shushes you softly.

You turn to her and place a gentle kiss to the side of her head before slowly wriggling your way out of her grasp. She lets you go unquestioningly. You turn so that you can wrap one arm around her waist, and she leans into you.

You reach the other out to Kory, and for a moment, he hesitates. You can see his present self confused by the gesture, but just as you can see with Elyza, you notice the exact moment when Aden reappears.

He’s tall enough that he can rest his head on your chest when he leans into you, and you wrap your arm tightly around his shoulders. His arms wrap around your torso, and his eyes fall shut.

Elyza reaches over and tousles his hair, and it brings a smile to each of your faces. Kory groans and reaches up to fix his hair, but you know that he doesn’t mind.

“If we meet a bitch with the last name Ontar or something like that, she’s deader than a walker,” you vow, and Kory snorts. He opens his eyes and gazes up at you.

“Can we keep her head as prize?” he teases, and you don't bother to stop yourself as you roll your eyes. Your heart rate is slowly beginning to return to normal, and neither Kory nor Elyza let go of you just yet.

“I like you. Can we keep him?” Elyza says, turning to you. You chuckle at the question and the way Kory feigns being offended. 

“Ruff ruff,” he says, and Elyza smirks. The heaviness in your heart begins to give way to contentedness as the two of them poke and prod at each other.

“If you think I’m letting you out of my sight, you’re an idiot,” you say simply, and both of them smile. Elyza raises her eyebrows and juts out her bottom lip in a pout.

“Will your soul like literally depart from your body?” she says, putting on a scarily realistic California valley girl accent. You groan and shove her away, and Kory, not even knowing the story behind the statement, snickers and high fives your girlfriend.

“I’ll kill you both,” you snap, but you can’t even manage to put any malice behind your words.

“Too soon,” Kory replies as you let go of him as well. Elyza smiles wide.

“That’s my boy.”

“God dammit, Elyza.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My precious baby Aden/Kory. Bless you to the person who commented suggesting I bring him into the story. Best idea ever. I dedicate this chapter to you :P


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a heads up, this chapter as well as the next two will introduce new characters. I apologize for the wait on this update - there may be another wait before the next comes out, or I'll post tomorrow. We'll see. I hope you enjoy!

A rather uneventful week passes quickly in your little household. You can’t really call it any one surname’s household, considering the little bunch is made from three people who’re completely unrelated. However, you’ve decided that surnames mean nothing to you and these people are the closest you’ve had to family all your life.

Kory’s had the roughest week of all three of you. Though he remembers his past life that he shares with you and Alicia, the ghost of his present one still haunts him. He’s spent countless hours trying to come to terms with his father’s death, but to no avail. He still doesn’t want it to be real, and you know that there’s nothing you can do except be there for him.

So, you’ve done just that. You and Alicia have taken it upon yourselves to do everything you can to make him feel better. Firstly, you returned to the store where you found Kory and found that his father’s body was still there. It took a fierce joint effort, but you hauled him into a shopping cart and brought him back to the house where you’re staying. Three grueling hours of digging followed, and considering there was only one shovel, the three of you took turns. You were a disgusting sweaty mess of a trio by the end of it, but none of you cared. You and Alicia helped lower the body into the ground, then Kory tossed a match into the hole. You sat on either side of the ashy blonde boy until past dark, when the fire finally went out. Then, in solemn silence, the three of you shoveled the dirt over the ashes that were left and headed inside for the evening.

After that, the only two goals you had were simple. One; make Kory feel better. Two; stay alive.

On this particularly warm morning, however, try as you might, you can’t find it in you to think too hard about the second goal. The sun is only just barely beginning to peek over the horizon. Streaks of pink and orange and fiery red paint the sky like a brush against canvas. The slightly cracked open window, which you had forgotten to close the night before, lets in a gentle breeze that has wild strands of brunette hair fluttering against rosy cheeks beside you. You silently thank the Heavens above that no Walker tried to break into the house while you slept. A quiet whistle, however, shifts your attention quickly from the ugly beasts to the still slumbering form pressed into your side.

The corners of your lips turn up into a lazy grin that is accompanied by a rush of butterflies in your chest and stomach. You reach out and cautiously tuck a stray piece of hair behind Alicia’s ear as her breath whistles through her nose. Despite your caution, she stirs slightly. Her eyebrows furrow and she lets out a quiet grunt of frustration before her features settle. If she was awake for even a moment, she certainly isn’t now.

You inhale slowly and lean down to press your lips to her forehead, relishing the softness of her skin. The warm outside air beckons to you, and you know she will join you as soon as she wakes. You slip carefully from the sage green sheets tangled around your limbs and celebrate momentarily when you don’t wake Alicia. After placing your Desert Eagle and its clip on the waistband of your boxers (which you shamelessly picked up in your most recent supply run to Walgreens), you head down the hallway toward the dining room, where you plan to sneak quietly out the back door.

As you pass one of the other bedrooms in the hallway, you can’t help but to peek inside. A strange sense of relief washes over you when you find Kory curled up beneath the covers asleep. 

_ Safe and sound,  _ you remind yourself for what must be the umpteenth time this week.

Deciding that everyone is safe enough for you to go, you finally reach the back door and slip outside.

The fence around the yard brings you a sense of security, and it is enough for you to feel that you can breathe easily. You take in lungfuls of the clear morning air, willing yourself to ignore all the terrors likely nearby. You can’t hear them, you can’t see them, and therefore, they are not there.

Morning dew causes your feet to grow damp as you amble toward the firepit in the center of the yard. You smile as you notice that the acoustic guitar still leaning against the brick, untouched from where you left it the night before. You grab it carefully by the fretboard and settle into one of the blue lawn chairs set up around the pit.

A few chords strum from your fingers to test the waters in your early morning haze. Once you decide you really are awake enough to function, you pause, thumb resting on the largest string, as you rack your brain for a song to play.

When an idea comes to mind, you snort, realizing it is the cheesiest and most stereotypical song that any guitarist could ever play. Before you have the time to judge yourself further, the chords are already strumming beneath your fingers. The words spring forth from your mind without much thought.

“Today is gonna be the day   
That they're gonna throw it back to you   
By now you should've somehow   
Realized what you gotta do   
I don't believe that anybody   
Feels the way I do about you now,” you sing, your voice scratchy and raspy from exhaustion. The night around the fire before had actually lasted a decent amount of time into the early morning hours, so you’re running on very little sleep. 

“Is that so?”

The sun is beginning to rise even more, enough that you have to squint at the figure stepping out of the back door. When the light shining in your eyes fades and your eyes adjust, Alicia’s barely awake form comes into view. You involuntarily grin at her wild, messy mane of brunette locks and the overly large t-shirt that hangs slightly off her right shoulder.

“It is. And if anybody else feels the way I do about you, sucks for them, because you’re mine,” you announce, reaching your arm out. You set the guitar on the ground gently, so as not to scratch its base, and let it lean against the chair. Alicia comes and sits in your lap, immediately wrapping her arms around your neck and shoulders.

You lean forward and allow your head to rest in the crook of her neck, and your eyes flutter shut as you breathe her in. She smells of sweat and earth and something faintly sweet, but you can’t identify the third scent. Whatever the blend, you decide that it’s perfect, and you know that no matter what she smelled like, it would always be perfect. It’d be perfect because she is perfect, and nothing could ever deter you from that belief.

Slightly chapped lips press to your forehead, and the action makes up for the temporary annoyance at the sudden breeze being back on your face. You look up at Alicia, who is blocking the blinding morning sun, and smile lethargically at the younger brunette.

“Kory’s awake and he wants pancakes,” she informs you, and you giggle. You return to your place in the crook of her neck and let your eyes fall shut again.

“Does he now? Demanding little bloke,” you say, and Alicia gently swats at your arm. 

“Alright, alright. Pancakes it is,” you agree. A wicked idea comes to your mind, and you give Alicia little to no warning before you stand abruptly. She lets out a yelp, surely more awake now, and wraps her legs around your waist. She clings to you like a koala as you walk her inside, and you chuckle at the string of Trigedasleng curses tumbling from her mouth.

\--

The peace of the morning does not last into the evening and night hours, however. Everything is fine until the sun begins to set, and you decide that you don’t feel like being cooped in the household on such a warm day. One quick walk around the neighborhood for the sole purpose of enjoying the nice weather revealed an influx of Walkers. You shot at least three, and you’re fairly certain Alicia’s total was closer to five or six. 

The sudden increase in Walker population has the three of you on edge as you return home, and you’re immediately regretting the decision to take a ‘relaxing walk.’

The second you walk through the door, your mind is racing with possibilities and what if’s and options. You’re barely in the front room long enough to hear the door click behind you before you’re tearing down the hallway to the bedroom, searching for the largest piece of paper you can find.

Once you find one that you decide is big enough, you grab for a charcoal pencil and head to the kitchen. Kory stands at the sink, washing the dishes that got left behind in the hurry to get out and enjoy the air. Alicia paces absently, her hands folded behind her back as her eyes dart side to side with thought.

You slap the paper onto the countertop as your left hand flies furiously across it, sketching lines and barely legible words from memory. Just as your hand starts to cramp from the effort, you finish, and Alicia stops pacing to observe your work.

“How the hell did you draw a map of this entire city from memory?” she asks, and you smirk proudly. 

“Same way I drew the map of Mount Weather. You know a place enough, you can draw it,” you insist, and she raises her eyebrow in skepticism. The sound of running water ceases, and Kory wipes off his hands on the towel next to the sink. He turns to the two of you and sighs, somewhat shaken.

“I’m gonna go to the room for a little bit,” he announces, and you both nod. As he walks by, you ruffle his hair gently, and he smiles as best he can. Alicia places a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, and he places his own over it for a moment before heading off.

When you look up to meet Alicia’s eyes, you find Lexa looking back at you.

“I won’t stay here and let him get hurt,” she insists, and you nod. Her jaw clenches slightly in focus, and you find yourself straightening your back out of habit. Though you’re a literal lifetime away from your past, Alicia still has a commanding air about her that leaves you feeling that you have to stand tall in her presence.

“I know you won’t. I won’t either,” you tell her, her features becoming less and less visible in the bleary light of dusk. You walk over to the lightswitch and flip it, and a gentle, warm light fills the kitchen.

When you turn back around, Alicia stands tall in front of the map, hands planted on either side of it. Again, her emerald green eyes dart back and forth. She sucks in the corner of her lip and chews absently on it as she analyzes the drawing before her.

“We’re here, right?”

She points to the dot you’ve drawn, and you nod. You run your hand up and down the length of the arm supporting you against the countertop. The sheer presence Alicia holds in the moment has your entire body covered in goosebumps.

“We should go here. It’s safe to assume that the Walkers are heading toward this corner of town, yes?” she inquires, and again, you nod. Her long, slender index finger traces a path in silence.

“There’s a beach in this corner of town. We’ll have to weave through a few neighborhoods to get there, but we could do it. I’d assume the Walkers are drawn toward more populated areas, places with meat to feed on,” Alicia says. You marvel at the way that even her voice has changed in mere seconds. She’s right, as well, and you know it.

“So we get to the beach, and what? What if there isn’t a safe house that hasn’t been broken into? What if the place is swarming with Walkers?”

“Do you question me, Clarke?”

The sudden use of your soul’s past name jars you, more than you would expect it to, and you fall silent. For a moment, there is a hint of a smirk on Alicia’s lips, but it quickly fades as her mind returns to business mode.

“We’ll have to make a supply run, and find means for transportation,” you tell her, and she nods in agreement. Her finger again traces the map slowly until it stills, resting on a location you’ve labeled.

“According to you, there’s a car dealership not far from the Walgreens we’ve been raiding. You think there’s any luck in the world we can steal a car from there?” Alicia asks, and you pause, because you’re not sure. However, there’s no time for doubt or uncertainty, so you nod instead.

“Good, We’ll leave immediately,” she says, already folding up the map. You scoff and hold up your hands, swiftly moving around the curve of the countertop so that you’re standing next to Alicia.

“Slow down, love,” you tell her. She huffs as she turns to you, eyebrow raised in annoyance.

“We can’t go anywhere. If we went on foot now, we’d be exhausted by the time we could actually start driving. We’re more at risk of a car crash tonight than a Walker attack,” you insist, and she inhales quickly. The breath comes out in a slow stream of air, likely in attempt to control her flaring temper.

“But Aden-”

“Will be fine,” you interrupt. She closes her mouth promptly, and her jaw moves slightly from side to side. You would recognize that sign anywhere, and you sigh, letting your features soften. Your hand reaches under her chin, and you gently guide her upward to meet your eyes.

“Babe, we need to stay here tonight. This house will hold for one more night, I’m sure of it. Hell, it’d probably hold for another week, but I don’t want to be here when the Walkers take this corner over,” you explain. “I don’t want you or Aden here when that happens.”

Alicia nods, the steeliness of her emerald eyes giving way to subtle worry. The tension in her shoulders dissipates as they slump down slightly. Heda is gone, and Alicia begins to creep back in.

You’re about to reach your arm out to pull her into a comforting embrace, but a scratching sound at the door makes your blood run cold. Your heart flutters uncomfortably in your chest for a moment before speeding up in fear.

“Aden,” you call, loudly enough for him to hear you but quiet enough that whatever is outside that door cannot. You hear footsteps come slowly down the hallway, and you see the younger blonde boy in question dart into the room. There’s only a small window on the door, and it’s dark enough in the living room that you don’t think the Walker could see, but you don’t blame him for running.

“Stay here,” Alicia tells him, and he nods. He backs into the corner of the kitchen without question, and you and Alicia both grab for your weapons.

The scratching at the door does not quiet. It becomes more frantic, and you’d be lying if the beat of your heart did not follow the same pattern. Fearless as you may try to be, you can’t even pretend that the idea of Walkers at the house at night doesn’t worry you.

You and Alicia stand on either side of the door, eyes locked as you listen. No gurgling sounds or growling accompany the scratching, and you raise an eyebrow in confusion. Alicia shrugs in response and holds up three fingers. You nod, and she brings them up again, this time pulling one down at a time until she reaches zero.

You unlock and tear open the door as quickly as you can, your weapon pointed before you’ve even breathed. When the figure in your doorway comes into view, you’re almost certain that a Walker would have been easier to handle.

“Shit! There’s people here? I thought this place was empty, I didn’t -”

Movement behind the man standing in front of you startles you out of your disbelief, and you grab his shoulder and hiss a ‘move’ to him before he can finish. A true Walker is approaching the steps, its mouth hanging wide open and its lifeless eyes glossed over with a lust for living flesh. The man on your steps whispers a curse as he leaps inside, and you pull the trigger. Your fingers are clammy and your hands shake, so you’re surprised you were able to pull the trigger at all.

You immediately shut and lock the door behind you, leaning your back on it as your chest heaves in an attempt to take in much needed oxygen. Your head falls back, still spinning with the realization of who was standing at the door, and you close your eyes for just a moment.

A sudden thump causes your eyes to shoot open, and you jolt up to find the man lying on the ground. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut and his brow is furrowed as though he’s in pain, and you sigh exhaustedly. You know these signs too well, now, having dealt with them for nearly two months. 

“Oh god dammit, here we go. KORY, GET OUT HERE!” Alicia calls upon seeing the man nearly siezing on the floor below you. Heavy footsteps bound into the room, and Kory appears from the shadows. The faint sliver of moonlight streaming in from the window isn’t enough to light up his features, but he gasps at the sight below him.

“Don’t worry, he’s fine. Help us get him onto the couch,” you say, already kneeling down next to the man. You place your hand gently on his chest and find yourself whispering words of comfort in your past tongue, hoping he’ll hear them somehow.

You and Alicia wrap your arms around one of his, and Kory grabs hold of the man’s legs. His body is covered in hardened muscle, and his head is still bald. A part of you wants to smile, but you know that will come in time. Your focus now is on the safety of this familiar man.

He whispers unintelligible words as his body jerks from side to side. His breathing is labored and ragged, and all the three of you can do until he stills is place your hands somewhere on his arm or shoulder in an attempt to comfort.

Finally, after what you’re certain was at least three or four minutes, he stills. He doesn’t open his eyes right away, and you feel your heart stop abruptly in your chest. The blood running through your veins freezes. You hear Alicia draw in a breath as though to say something, and then he suddenly shoots up, gasping for air.

He grabs at the couch, searching for something solid and tangible to hold onto. His eyes are wide with panic and fear as he takes in lungful after lungful of air. You and Alicia immediately begin to whisper comforts to him, and you can’t help but to run your thumb across his shoulder as your hand rests on it. 

A sudden and quick jerk of his head in your direction causes everything to stop. The moment is suspended in time, and not a sound can be heard save the slow and steady breathing of Kory watching on behind you. The dark skinned man lets out the air in his lungs slowly, and his eyes become slightly less wide.

“You’re safe, Lincoln,” Alicia says. Lincoln only blinks for a few seconds, still taking in the scene around him. He swings his legs carefully over the edge of the couch so that he is sitting upright and hangs his head in his hands.

“What...how…” he whispers incredulously. You sigh, remembering how hard it was to come up with the right thing to say when you remembered. When an entire lifetime worth of memories hits you like a tidal wave crashing into the shore, you never know where to start.

Alicia turns around and raises her hand, her index finger beckoning for Kory to come to where you sit. A moment later, he sits crosslegged between you and Alicia in silence. You meet Alicia’s eyes, and she glances in Lincoln’s direction.

“Only those of us who have died in that timeline can remember who we were,” you explain, and Lincoln looks up suddenly. You pause, eyebrows furrowed in inquiry at his sudden movement. The smile that spreads across his face doesn’t help to quell your confusion.

“You’re Australian too, huh?”

The accent in his voice is thick, even thicker than your own. It sounds so strange to your ears, and you remember the way your own voice sounded wrong the first time you remembered. Lincoln seems unfazed by it, however, and his smile doesn’t fade.

“Seems so,” you tell him, and he nods. After a beat, his grin does fade, and he looks to you expectantly.

You clear your throat and attempt to collect your thoughts before you continue. Just as much as he doesn’t know where to begin asking questions, you’re not sure where to start with your explanation.

Instead, a question comes to mind, and you decide that to be the most logical beginning to the conversation.

“How did you die?”

Lincoln sighs, and his expression hardens almost instantly. His jaw clenches hard, and something about it makes your stomach lurch uncomfortably.

“I had to save my people. We tried to escape, but Pike threatened to kill my people if we did not return to face our executions,” he explains. You find yourself amazed by the difference in demeanor and the sudden eloquence in his speaking compared to the man who showed up at your door fifteen minutes ago.

“We?” Alicia asks, and Kory raises an eyebrow in concern.

“Kane, Sinclair, and I. We were sentenced to death. Octavia and Abby helped us escape,” he explains. Something in his eyes changes, and the hardness to his features dissipates. Instead, a deep sadness settles on his face, and you don’t think anyone questions why. 

“Octavia...she’ll never forgive me for leaving her,” he says, and you’re half surprised when his voice becomes thick and strained. You’d never seen any Grounders except for Lexa and Titus show any sort of emotion, and to see Lincoln on the verge rocks you.

“I forgave this one,” you offer, tilting your head toward Alicia. 

Her eyes are shining with unshed tears, but a tiny smile plays at her lips at your words. She rolls her eyes, then swallows hard as the tears threaten to spill over. Kory reaches his hand out and places it on her knee, and she lets her own settle over it.

“Heda...when?” Lincoln asks. You will forever admire the loyalty that Lexa’s people had to her, and you aren’t surprised that it carries over even into a completely different lifetime.

“Titus intended to kill Clarke, likely because he believed my feelings for her clouded my judgement as a leader,” Alicia says. Her words come out as an angry hiss, and your heart flutters in intimidation as the ruthless commander inside her begins to seep through. “I stepped into the room, and his bullet pierced my abdomen instead.”

Lincoln bows his head, and you see a single tear drip from his eye and onto his jeans. Though it is dark, you’re fairly certain that they’re very dirty black jeans. You can see rips and tears in them, along little dark patches that you assume to be blood. Whether it is human or Walker blood, you don’t know.

“And you two?” Lincoln asks, looking up. The two of you meet eyes, and the gentle giant beneath his present facade is evident. You are reminded once again of the soft and kind warrior that he was, and you bite back the snarl that threatens to break free as you think of Pike shooting Lincoln.

“Two days after Lexa’s death, the conclave was set to begin. However, it never truly happened. Ontari, the Ice Nation natblida that never trained in Polis, came and murdered the rest of us while we slept,” Kory says. His voice is quiet but strong, and you place your hand on his back. He swallows hard before finishing his explanation.

“She cut off my head. While she was sitting in Heda’s throne, she had it in a cloth bag leaning against the front of the throne. Clarke saw it,” he finishes. He takes in a sharp breath and holds it for a moment before letting it out.

Lincoln doesn’t respond. Instead, he trains his attention on you, awaiting your story. 

“Titus blamed me for Lexa’s death, and the death of the natblidas,” you say, and you hate the way your heart clenches with guilt at the thought. “He shot me as soon as I got back to my room.”

Lincoln nods slowly, taking everything in. He doesn’t speak for a long time, and the four of you sit in silence. There’s a heavy air about the room and you want nothing more for it to disappear.

“I reckon what matters most is that we’re here now. I wish Octavia was here, but at the same time, I’m so grateful that she’s alive,” Lincoln says, breaking the silence. You smile sympathetically at him as you remember how it felt to be without your one and only, even if just for a couple of days.

“Reckon? Oh come on, that’s the most stereotypical Australian thing you could’ve said,” Alicia teases tentatively. You worry for a moment whether it was too soon. If it was, Lincoln doesn’t show it, because he lets a tiny smile slip onto his cheeks.

“I don’t believe we’ve had proper introductions,” you say. You stick out your hand, and he takes it with a firm grip. You make a note not to cross him, knowing that he could likely murder you with one hand.

“Elyza Lex. Walker killer extraordinaire,” you announce, allowing yourself a grin despite the ache in your chest. Lincoln smiles back and clears his throat.

“Wow. Call it a coincidence but...Rycky Octave,” he says. You snort. You’d momentarily forgotten about the odd name rule that this world has thrust upon you all. Of course his last name would be a derivative of Octavia.

“Not a coincidence,” Alicia says. She holds her hand out, now, and Rycky lets go of yours to take hers. “Alicia Clark, with no ‘e’ on the end.”

Rycky huffs out a breath of air in amusement and turns his attention to the quiet boy sitting next to you. There’s a small grin on his cheeks as he looks up and meets Rycky’s eyes.

“Kory Hed,” Kory tells him, and the smile on Rycky’s face widens into a full blown ear-to-ear grin. He reaches out and ruffles Kory’s hair, and you raise an eyebrow at him.

“Only I get to do that,” you warn, and Rycky raises his hands in mock surrender. You wonder when actions like that will stop making your head spin and your stomach lurch, but you push the sensation aside and smile instead.

Kory yawns and leans absently into Alicia’s side, and she wraps her arm around his shoulders. His eyes are already half shut, and it’s only then that you realize the time. Eleven is not late for you, but with so little sleep, it might as well be three in the morning.

Your heart seems to swell in your chest with adoration at the sight of Kory and Alicia, and Rycky’s grin settles into an admiring smile as he looks on.

“Who knew our wittle Kory is such a baby when he’s sleepy?” you tease, changing the inflection of your voice so that it sounds as if you’re cooing at an infant. Kory chuckles and rolls his eyes.

“Shut up, Alicia carried you to bed last night,” he strikes back, and you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. You are not one to allow others see you give in to weakness, especially not people that you’ve only known for a week. However, having lived past lives with each other does make things just a little bit different.

Rycky giggles quietly to himself at Kory’s words, and you reach out to smack him on the leg without thinking. You realize how similar the interaction is to the first time you and Alicia met Kory. Though the thought of anyone else you cared about in your past life being dead makes you want to scream, you pray that should you meet any of them in this life, they are just as funny and easygoing as Rycky and Kory. If the Heavens would not allow any of you to have a peaceful, apocalypse-free life in any universe, you at least deserve to have some fun when you can.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” Alicia suggests, and you nod, feeling your own exhaustion taking you over. You rub gently at your stinging eyes and look up at Rycky.

“There’s some blankets in the closet between ours and Kory’s bedroom, if you’d like them. The couch isn’t too uncomfortable, right?”

Rycky pauses for a moment, then smiles gratefully at you. You realize that you hadn’t even considered any other option than him staying with you. Judging by the smile on his face, you assume that he likes the idea.

“It’s perfectly fine,” he tells you. “Thank you.”

“We better get some rest now...I hope you don’t mind the idea of a little permanent road trip tomorrow,” Alicia says, and you look at her from the corner of your eye. Of all wordings she could have chosen, that one was likely the strangest.

“The population of Walkers in this corner of town is too much. We’re trying to get as far away as we can,” she clarifies, and Rycky nods his head in understanding. “We leave at first light.”

Again, Rycky nods. You stand and stretch your tight muscles, wincing at the slight pain it brings. Kory and Alicia stand afterward, both their eyes lidded and tired. Rycky sighs and falls backward into the couch. He doesn’t even take his boots off before he swings his legs back onto the cushions and lets his eyes fall shut.

“Reshop,” he whispers, and the corner of your mouth pulls upward in a half grin.

“Reshop,” you, Alicia, and Kory chorus back to him. The three of you pad down the hallway toward your respective rooms.

\--

Fifteen minutes of packing later, you and Alicia are finally ready to get some sleep. You shed your daytime attire and decide against putting on any nightclothes. You crawl under the sage green sheets, bare except for your black boyshorts. Alicia follows suit, and you let out a sigh of contentedness as you feel her soft, warm skin press up against your own.

She nuzzles her way into your neck, and you place a kiss to her forehead lazily. You know that sleep is mere seconds away for both of you, so you whisper parting words before settling into the void.

“Ai hod yu in,” you whisper, and you aren’t awake long enough to hear the reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lincoln deserved some peace. Next chapter introduces a rather unusual character choice, but I hope you'll like it anyway!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me too much! I wanted to play with a new kind of dynamic, and I figured this character would be the best way to do that. I hope you enjoy!

You’re jolted awake by the sound of a scream. Your eyes shoot open, and they meet Elyza’s immediately. Somewhere in your sleep, you had shifted so that you were facing one another eye to eye. Normally, this would have bothered you, and you’d have cuddled back into her arms as quickly as possible. Tonight, however, you’re grateful. 

Panic flashes across Elyza’s icy blue eyes, and the two of you leap out of bed. You reach shakily to the floor and grab your bra and a nightshirt, dressing quicker than you believe you ever have. You don’t bother pulling pants on over your boyshorts, and neither does Elyza. You each grab for a weapon and tear down the hall toward the source of the sound.

You stumble into Kory’s room, sword raised and ready to strike, and the panic in your chest making it hard to breathe gives way. You drop the sword gently on the chair next to the door, and Elyza immediately follows suit. The second that you begin to walk toward Kory’s bed, Rycky runs into the room, his own pistol pointed and ready.

He, too, drops the weapon as soon as he realizes what is happening and walks toward you and Elyza.

Kory sits up in his bed, sweat matting his hair to the sides of his face. His chest heaves with labored breaths, and his eyes dart from side to side. Fistfuls of blue sheets are balled up in his hands, which shake from the effort to hang on. Your heart aches for him as you and Elyza slip into the bed on either side of him.

“You’re okay,” you assure Kory as you pull him into your chest. You wrap one arm around his shoulders. With your free hand, you cup his head gently and run your thumb across his damp forehead. His breath is shaky against your shirt, and you want nothing more than to take away his fear. One hand reaches up to wrap itself around your arm.

Rycky sits gently at the edge of the bed and places a hand on Kory’s knee, and Elyza slips her hand into the younger boy’s free one. 

“What happened?”

Kory shudders slightly, likely recalling the events of his nightmare. His breathing is beginning to slowly steady, but his voice is still raspy and strained as he tries to explain.

“The fight,” he says. “Roan, he…”

He trails off and closes his eyes before continuing.

“You didn’t move out of the way,” he whispers, and you sigh. You remember staring up at Roan, watching until the very last second as he pulled the spear back, intending to drive it through your throat.

Rycky raises his eyebrow slightly, and you realize that he has no idea what Kory’s talking about. You make a note to explain to him everything that happened in Polis when the time is right, knowing he deserves to know. 

“Ai ste klir, Aden,” you say quietly, your tone hushing to the one reserved only for him. You look up at Elyza for a moment, and her eyes are soft and adoring. Though your heart still aches for the boy in your arms, you smile slightly at your girlfriend’s loving stare.

“We’re good, buddy,” Rycky offers, and Kory gently nestles his way out of your grasp. The hand that you had wrapped around his face falls to your lap, and he turns to look at Rycky.

“Want me to stay in here with you tonight?” the older of the two asks, and Kory nods subtly. You recognize the way he swallows hard as he does so. He’s trying not to show his weakness, or he is ashamed for acknowledging it. His mind is at war with old mantras and beliefs still drilled into his brain.

“Well, once the lovebirds move their weapons, I’ll stay right there in that little chair by the door,” Rycky assures. You roll your eyes and are very tempted to stick your tongue out at him, and he grins.

Kory’s breathing is nearly evened out, now, and the panic in his eyes has faded. You let out a sigh of relief as you gently release your grasp on his shoulders and slide out of bed. Elyza squeezes Kory’s hand gently before following you. As you pass by Rycky, you give him a silent nod of thanks before grabbing your sword.

As if by some unspoken agreement, you and Elyza don’t go back to bed. Instead, you walk out into the living room and plop down on the couch, your weapons set gently down on the nightstand next to it. Elyza checks the safety twice before she finally deems the gun safe to put down.

Though you stay sitting upright, you let your head fall back onto the couch cushions. Your eyes don’t close, though. As tired as you still are, hearing Kory scream like that has jarred you enough that you don’t know how you’ll be able to return to sleep. Elyza must sense your discomfort, for she crawls over into your lap and pulls you into her chest.

Your arms wrap around her middle instinctively, and you’re grateful to feel the thrum of her heart beating as your ear presses against her shirt. Rough, calloused hands slide into your hair and behind your neck in an effort to comfort. You melt into the blonde’s touch as though you’ve been starved for it.

“He’s fine, Alicia,” Elyza whispers into your hair. You let out a breath of air that you didn’t realize you’d been holding and lean into her even further.

“I thought there was a Walker in the house,” you tell her, worry causing your voice to crack ever so slightly. Elyza doesn’t miss it, however, and she runs her thumb across your cheek lovingly.

“Babe, even if there were, we wouldn’t let him get hurt. You know that,” she assures you, and you nod. You know she’s right. There’s nothing that you, Elyza, and Rycky wouldn’t do to keep him safe. Besides, this house has held up pretty well considering the backup generator is still functioning.

The panic you were feeling before gives way enough for you to close your eyes, and you breathe in deeply through your nose. You’re filled with the scent of everything Elyza is, and pure relaxation fills your insides as you’re reminded for the umpteenth time how in love you truly are. 

The sound of a distant gunshot startles you out of your calm state. Your first reaction is to roll your eyes in annoyance, because you were literally  _ just  _ getting comfortable for the night. As you look up to meet Elyza’s eyes, she too seems vaguely perturbed at the interruption. Almost simultaneously, however, the dots connect in your minds and you sit up. Elyza crawls off your lap and grabs for the Desert Eagle placed cautiously on the nightstand a few minutes before. Its golden finish gleams in the moonlight, nearly blinding you as you reach for the sword nearby. You let out a sudden hiss as your finger is pricked by its sharp edge, and Elyza looks back, concerned.

“You grab for the handle, sweetcheeks. Not the blade, despite your belief,” she teases, and you sigh in defeat. You’re far too tired to fight back, and your mind is preoccupied with the source of the gunshot.

Rycky and Kory walk calmly into the room, seemingly understanding that the gunshot was rather far away. Despite the fact, Kory holds your dagger in his right hand, and Rycky’s pistol is gripped tightly in his left.

Elyza peeks out the window, her eyes darting left to right in search of any potential threats. She halts suddenly, and her eyes widen.

“Oh, shit.”

You groan, because you are far too tired to deal with this at two in the morning. You don’t really want to know how many Walkers she sees, but before you can ask, Rycky does it for you.

“How many?”

“Uh, well, I’m guessing there’s about twenty coming this way. And I think…”

Elyza squints and moves as far to the left as she can.

“I do believe that’s a human running from them without a weapon,” she says calmly, and you wonder when you all became so unaffected by the disgusting beasts that roam the lands now. You write it off to the fact that you’re all sleep deprived and instead focus your attention on a game plan.

Elyza’s face drops suddenly, and you’re fairly certain she goes pale. The usual worry that you had managed to fend off before creeps into your chest, now, and you walk toward her slowly.

“What is it?”

She points outside, and you squint through the door to see for yourself.

The horde of Walkers is approaching down the street. They’re moving slightly faster than what you remember them being able to, and sure enough, there’s a woman trying to escape them. Her right leg is dragging behind her. Blood soaks her pantleg, and the injured limb makes it hard for her to move very quickly. Your eyes drift upward to her face, and the blood freezes in your veins.

You’d know that face anywhere. The scars that once covered nearly inch of it are gone, but that face is unmistakable.

“What do we do?” Elyza asks quietly, only loud enough for you to hear. You’re sure Kory and Rycky are staring at the two of you confused behind you, but they’re going to have to wait.

You sigh, your emotions at war inside your chest. Your heart aches with worry for the scared, injured girl stumbling along outside, fighting for her life with no means to protect herself. At the same time, there is a burning fire that ignites in the deepest part of your stomach that makes your blood boil at the memories that flash through your mind.

As the Walkers start to gain on her and she lets out a plea just loud enough for you to hear through the door, your mind knows what the right decision is. Just in case, however, you turn around and look to Kory.

“Stay in your room for a little bit, okay?” you request. You can tell that he wants to protest, but you stare him down just a little harder. You straighten your back and clench your jaw, and that seems to be enough to convince him that you aren’t going to change your mind. He nods and heads back to his room, the door clicking shut behind him.

Rycky raises his eyebrow in confusion, and you sigh, letting your features soften slightly. 

“Be ready to fight,” you say, and he straightens his back and lifts his chin up.

“Sha, Heda.”

You turn back to Elyza, and she gives you only a curt nod before opening the door. Immediately, you are hit with a wall of terrible sounds. Gurgling and growling of a larger crowd of Walkers than you’ve ever seen before fills the air, and you swallow hard. Your stomach lurches at the sight of them chasing this girl down.

Without thinking, you, Elyza, and Rycky storm into the horde. Elyza and Rycky fire shot after shot with impeccable accuracy, and blood spatters everywhere as bullets go through the dead brains of the Walkers. You groan at the sight of red liquid dripping down your half bare arms. The sight is nothing, however, compared to the sensation of it spraying onto your face when you decapitate one.

Elyza’s prediction was correct; there’s about twenty Walkers in this particular horde, and luckily there’s no stragglers behind it. As you hack through one after another, your heart thudding in your chest as you feel surrounded by them, you can’t tell whether the group is getting smaller or not. The only thing that gives you a guide is the way that as each Walker is killed, the sounds get quieter and quieter.

Elyza lets out a yelp as a Walker grabs her by the hair, and fury rises in you at the sight. You slash through two Walkers in a matter of seconds and storm toward her. You sink your sword in the Walker’s throat, merely distracting it. It lets out a revolting gurgle as deep red blood spurts from its mouth. Its grip on Elyza’s hair slackens, and in one swift move, you pull the blade from its throat and decapitate it.

Two final shots, one each from Rycky and Elyza, take out the last of the twenty some Walkers. Blood pools at your bare feet, and you shudder as you realize they’re almost entirely covered in the sticky red liquid. You force yourself to maintain your composure, however, as you simply step out of the mass of dead bodies and toward the injured girl. 

She sits on the ground, now, one hand wrapped tightly around the wound on her leg and one furiously wiping at her cheeks. They’re streaked with tears that fall freely from her eyes, a sight that you can’t help but find incredibly strange. You’ve never known her to show any emotion other than anger and hatred, and to see her so human catches you off guard.

You approach her slowly, and though you know that she may not even remember the life before, you can’t help the rage that boils in the pit of your stomach. You grip the hilt of your sword tightly until your knuckles are white. Before you realize what you’re doing, the tip of your blade is pressed gently beneath her chin, pulling her up to meet your eyes.

For a moment, there’s only fear staring back at you, and you almost feel guilt seeping into your chest. However, after years of watching people’s body language and communicating through subtly, you don’t miss the way her eyes steel over. 

She knows.

“One wrong move and I’ll have your head,” you promise her, fighting the part of you that tries to remind yourself that the life before is gone. There’s nothing you can do to change it. This person staring up at you did not commit the crimes, but the fact that it is her very same soul that did is enough to keep you angry.

“If you really wanted me dead, you’d have killed me just like the rest of the Walkers,” she retorts. Her voice is cold, but it wavers. She’s still not completely calm from her crying.

“There’s still time,” you bite back, and that shuts her up.

Wordlessly, Rycky comes over to the two of you and picks the woman up bridal style. Ontari hisses in pain, any movement of her leg likely driving the bullet deeper into her tissue. You look to Elyza, hoping that her memories as Clarke will serve to be enough to get it out safely.

As you make your way back inside the house, the blood covering each of you leaves footprints and droplet marks on the otherwise cream colored carpet. It makes your stomach turn, but you demand your focus to stay on the woman in Rycky’s arms.

Elyza clears the kitchen table of its various debri, ranging from magazines to outdated newspapers. The various items fall to the floor in one loud thump. 

“Towels, lots of them,” Elyza says simply, and you nod. As Elyza directs Rycky to the medicine cabinet, you jog down the hall to the supplies closet right next to Kory’s room.

“Alicia? Is everything okay?” He asks tentatively through the door. His voice is muffled, but you sense the worry in his voice.

As you grab varying sizes of towels, as well as a few to place underneath Ontari, a lump rises in your throat.

“Aden, don’t you dare come out of that room unless we tell you it’s okay,” you say, sounding much harsher than you intend to. He is silent for a second, and you sigh.

“Please. It’s for your safety,” you tell him. That must be a better answer, because he mutters an “okay.” That has to be enough for the moment, and you head back to the dining room.

You lay out the towels to go underneath, then Rycky finally lays Ontari onto the table. The bleeding girl hands Elyza the supplies that she and Rycky had gone to grab from the medicine cabinet. Elyza makes quick work of tearing the blue plaid pajama pants enough to access the wound and pours water over it.

Ontari groans quietly at the sensation, and you walk slowly to stand on the other side of the table. While Elyza works, cleaning furiously so she can see the wound well enough to remove the bullet, you kneel down so that you and Ontari are face to face.

For a while, you don’t say anything. You simply watch as she writhes in pain, trying her damndest not to let it show. You see it flash in her eyes, however, and she bares her teeth every now and then when Elyza pours more peroxide over the other gashes near the wound.

“Alright, I have to take it out, then I’m going to clean it again and dress it. Don’t move,” Elyza says, her voice low. Ontari nods and bites the inside of her cheek, making the sharp curve of her cheekbone more prominent.

Despite her efforts, the brunette can’t hold back the growl that escapes her throat as the bullet is pulled from her leg, nor the whimper as Elyza pours more water and other cleaning supplies over the now more open wound. You don’t break eye contact at all, however, and your face remains stoic the entire time.

It takes the better part of half an hour, but finally, the wound is clean, stitched, and bandaged. The Walker blood that covers you, Elyza, and Rycky has dried now. You wonder how the three of you must look to the injured brunette lying on the table next to you.

“So, how’d you die?”

Your words are simple, but they’re laced with as much venom and malice as you can muster. You’re still exhausted from hardly sleeping at all the past few nights, and it is evident. Ontari smirks and turns her head toward Rycky.

“Em niron shot me,” she says, and you catch the way Rycky’s eyes light up at the mention of Octavia. You aren’t certain, but you think you see a glint of pride.

You return your attention to Ontari, and you’re slightly surprised to see the way her features have softened once again. The devilish flame in her eyes has burnt out, and her smirk is all but gone. If you weren’t so angry, you’d almost believe that you saw a hint of remorse.

“You killed my natblidas while they slept,” you snarl, and Ontari turns slowly to face you. Your eyes lock, and she says nothing. “You killed Aden.”

She takes in a deep breath and nods, her lips pursed into a fine line. Her jaw tightens for a moment, then releases.

“I did. I’m sorry, Heda,” she says simply. Her voice is hushed and respectful, and the change in demeanor confuses you. You wonder if this is all a ploy or an act, and you decide to watch her more carefully.

“You were never loyal to me. You were loyal to your kwin, and then her son.”

“I was,” Ontari admits. “I followed blindly.”

“That’s not an excuse,” Elyza growls, leaning over the injured brunette. Ontari looks away from you and meets Elyza’s eyes. They are a bright blue and swimming with angry tears. You want to comfort her, but you let her go, knowing now is not the time.

“No, it isn’t,” Ontari agrees. “I won’t pretend that I didn’t find thrill in murdering those kids that night.”

Your stomach lurches again, and you swallow hard to keep your nausea at bay. You remind yourself incessantly that he is just a few rooms over, safe and sound, nowhere near the monster on this table.

“I found thrill because I knew I was pleasing my kwin. Everything I ever did, I did for her. Do this and I’ll be proud of you. Do that and you’ll earn your place. Follow me blindly and you will be worth something.”

Ontari practically spits out her last sentence, and it is full of rage and resentment. Her teeth are bared in anger, and her nostrils flare with the heavy, labored breaths she pulls in. Her eyes are wide and unsettled as they dart from side to side.

“I lived my entire life believing that if I followed what they told me to do, only then would I be worth the air I breathe. I didn’t stop once to think about what I was doing. It was like the Red, for the Maunon,” she says. Rycky stills, and he clenches his jaw at the mention of a past you know he has tried desperately to forget.

“Her praise was my Red. I didn’t care about anything except for how to get more,” Ontari confesses. “So I destroyed everyone and everything she told me to.”

“She was dead by the point of a spear when you murdered the natblidas,” you say, but you allow your voice to lose its edge. You knew of the Ice Queen’s fierce and terrifying reign over her clan, and you know that Ontari is telling the truth.

“Roan never let me forget her words,” the brunette says quietly, and you see a shudder ripple through her body.

Silence falls over the four of you, and you pull yourself into a standing position. Your knees ache from having been bent for so long, and the sight of the Walker blood still covering you from head to toe makes you shiver.

Rycky is the first to speak. He had been silent the entire time, watching, listening. His arms are folded across his chest, and the muscle in the back of his jaw is working furiously. He’s thinking, you know, but you wait to see what he has to say.

“The past is done,” he says. “We are not them.”

He holds out a hand to Ontari and pulls her up into a sitting position. She adjusts so that she can sit up straight and face all of you. Though it hurts to stay in one position, you still yourself next to Elyza as the blonde slides an arm around your waist. The ghost of a smile plays at Ontari’s lips at the sight, and you feel your anger just beginning to subside.

“We take those lives with us, and maybe a part of us will always be them, but this is a new life,” Rycky says. “It’s a chance for us to be different, and to be better.”

You nod in agreement with his words. You’ve already seen several times where you have learned to be a better person in this life than you were in the one before. You have seen the way people can change, and you’re confident that this is no different.

Besides, Rycky is right. Now, you are not Lexa. You will always be Lexa, but you’re not. You are Alicia Clark, a teenage girl stuck in a zombie apocalypse with your little band of misfits that you’ve picked up along the way. Here, you are not responsible for the deaths of millions as you were before. Here, Elyza is not guilty for the deaths of three hundred innocent people inside Mount Weather. Here, Rycky was never a traitor to his own people when the Skaikru and the Grounders were enemies. 

Just as the same as you are all able to be free of the ghosts of your past, you have to believe that Ontari deserves the same. You think that you may just know where to start.

You reach your free hand out toward her, just as Elyza had done for Rycky merely hours ago, and she takes it. The corner of your mouth pulls up in an exhausted smile, and something about it must hit a nerve. Tears well up in Ontari’s eyes, but she smiles back at you gratefully.

“My name is Alicia Clark. This is Elyza Lex, and that right there is Rycky Octave,” you tell her. She sniffles and grins.

“I always did think my last name was weird, but now I get it,” she says. “My name is Rhyannon Ni.”

“Rhyannon,” Elyza repeats, her voice infinitely softer than it was minutes ago. “That’s a beautiful name.”

Rhyannon smiles again, and her brow furrows for a moment. She looks down and bites her lip gently, but you still notice the way it quivers. A single tear slides down her cheek. She makes no effort to stop it, and a blink sends another down the other cheek.

Your heart aches at the sight. You’re still not ready to fully trust her yet, and you know there may always be a part of you that can’t forget what her past self has done. Before you now, however, is not a vicious killer who thrives on death and lusts for blood. You see someone who has been brainwashed, someone who’s self worth was used as a weapon against them to force them to follow orders. You see someone who is going to have to spend years trying to repair the damage that has been done to her. 

At the same time, you see a presumably innocent young girl stuck in this same mess of a world as you all are. You see someone who is scared and injured and alone. You remember the couple of weeks you spent completely alone when you were separated from your family. It was absolute hell, one that you had never known before your memories came back. Loneliness in a cruel and broken world could be enough to kill you, and you wonder how frayed the rope that Rhyannon clings to has become.

“I agree.”

Kory’s voice frightens you out of your trance, and you jump as you whip around to see him. He stands in the archway between the living room and the dining room, his features still half in the shadows. The light in the dining room is a dim one, and he has not fully stepped into the room.

Your first instinct is to stand in front of him, but you will yourself to stay put. 

“How long have you been standing there, buddy?” Rycky asks, stepping closer to the younger boy. 

“I heard her voice,” he says quietly, and the eye that you can see turns its attention to Rhyannon, still propped up on the table.

You turn back to see her, and her eyes have filled themselves once again with tears. Her lips are parted, and the bottom one quivers again no matter how hard she is trying to stop it. Her nose and cheeks are a deep red streaked by falling tears.

“Aden,” she whispers, and a strangled sob soon follows. Your heart is at war with compassion and a need to protect the boy behind you, and you resist the latter.

“I forgive you,” Kory says simply. 

Rhyannon takes in a shuddering breath. Her next word comes out in a strained whine. 

“Why?”

Kory steps forward into the light, and his eyes are misty. The rest of his face is stoic, however, and you can't read what he's feeling. 

He stands next to the table so that he is right in line with Rhyannon’s torso. The two of them meet eyes, and you feel a surge of pride for the fearlessness Kory demonstrates. He’s looking directly into the eyes of his once-killer, and he doesn't flinch. 

The sensation turns into a different kind of pride when you realize the emotion in his eyes as he looks up at Rhyannon. Though her past self took his head while he slept, he is looking at her with compassion, and he is trying to understand.

“You still made the choice,” he admits. “You chose to do what you did. But she wired you that way.”

Rhyannon sighs and lets her head droop slightly as he continues.

“I think a whole lifetime is long enough. It's time to move on.”

Kory gives a genuine smile, and Rhyannon’s shoulders begin to shake slightly. Tears continue to stream down her cheeks, and she swallows hard.

“Thank you,” she whispers, the corner of her mouth curving up into a tiny smile. Kory nods simply and holds his hand out to her. She takes it, and you notice the way her own hand trembles as she reaches out.

“My name is Kory Hed. It's good to meet you, Rhyannon,” Kory says. Rhyannon simply nods and squeezes his hand for a moment before they part.

“It's not safe here anymore,” she says, changing the subject. She looks to you and Elyza and pulls herself into a straighter position, wincing as she stretches her back. “The soldiers are back. They're leading the Walkers into this part of town and they're going to wipe out everyone here. Living or dead.”

The new information takes you by surprise, and you search for words. Sensing your speechlessness, Elyza responds instead.

“We’re going to head to town to get some supplies, then we’re heading to the beach. It's the safest place we know of,” she explains, and Rhyannon nods.

“It's the best idea there is. But, if you're going to go, you'll need some sleep,” she says. “Thank you for your help. If you want, I can keep watch while you rest, and then I’ll make sure you get going safely.”

You sigh as you realize that she doesn't think she will be allowed to stay with you. A few quick glances around the room and knowing nods proves otherwise. You turn back to Rhyannon and smile tiredly at her, your eyelids becoming increasingly heavier with need for sleep.

“You're an idiot if you think we’re leaving you here alone,” Rycky says quietly before you have the chance. Rhyannon lets out a wet laugh as she wipes at her dampened cheeks, a true grin playing at her lips.

Her smile fades to a content expression, and she continues to sniffle for a moment or two. 

“Mochof,” she whispers. No one says a word, but the response does not need to be spoken for it to be heard.

The next hour passes in an exhausted haze, and you're not certain that you'll have any memory of it when the sun rises in a couple of hours. You're certain that “first light” will end up being noon or so, but you pray that the Walkers will leave you alone long enough to sleep a sustainable amount. 

Despite your protests against him, Rycky insists that you and Elyza shower first. The dried Walker blood is beginning to drive you all insane, and you secretly are grateful that you're being permitted to rid yourself of it as soon as possible. Elyza trashes your old nightshirts and grabs for two new ones from the trusty duffle bag of clothing. 

Once you are all out and clean, you're certain you're going to fall asleep standing up. Your eyes are barely open as Rycky insists to Rhyannon that he’ll continue to sleep in the chair in Kory’s room so that she can lie down on the couch. The brunette, still weary from blood loss, barely has the energy to complain and is already half asleep by the time you've brought a blanket to her. 

Kory was the first to return to bed, and he is fast asleep when you and Elyza walk by. Rycky slips past you and settles into the chair by the door, eyes immediately closing as he leans back. You exchange goodnights lazily and stumble into your own bed.

There's barely enough consciousness left in you to pull Elyza close to you. The last thing you register before you succumb to your exhaustion is the dampness of your girlfriend’s hair against your cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also secretly in love with Rhiannon Fish. She is quite possibly one of the cutest humans I've ever seen. I hope you enjoy having her along!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to make this a 7 chapter piece, with the last two chapters being monster chapters. Life is getting crazy and I'm going to focus on my other story while still writing oneshots. I hope these last two chapters are to your liking!

“Guys, I’ve killed four Walkers since we’ve been awake, and I was only outside for five minutes.”

Rycky holsters his pistol slowly, out of breath from the rush of adrenaline. The midday sun is swelteringly hot, leaving patches of dampness in the light grey t-shirt Rycky wears. You let out a groan as you feel a rush of hot air from the still-open front door and lean your head back against the couch to look at it.

Rycky seems to understand without words and closes the door, and the air conditioned air soon replaces the wave of heat. He pulls at the collar of his shirt and pulls it up over his face, effectively drying the sweat that has gathered there.

“Time to go?” Kory asks from his spot next to Alicia. He leans against her side as they pore over a crossword puzzle from one of the drawers in the kitchen. The only pen they could find is cracked ever so slightly, leaving both of their hands with black splotches of ink. Alicia looks up to meet your eyes and raises an eyebrow in inquiry.

Her long, wavy hair falls effortlessly over one shoulder, just barely brushed after she woke up only half an hour ago. Kory’s question along with the way Alicia’s hair falls reminds you of a darker time, and you blink repeatedly to shake the image from your mind.

“Yeah, we need to go. Are you guys packed?”

Rhyannon nods silently from the sofa adjacent to the couch where you sit. She was the last to wake, and her eyes are still lidded and bloodshot from exhaustion. You’d changed the bandages on her leg only five minutes before, and you’re surprised at how well she’s recovering. She’d been able to walk fairly well, but she might need to be carried unless you find other means of transportation.

“Let’s get going, then,” Rycky says, and you nod.

A short five minutes later, everyone stands by the doorway, weapons holstered and bags strung over shoulders. You hand your shotgun to Rhyannon, who leans against the wall for support. She looks down at it for a moment, then looks up to you. Confusion is riddled in her expression, and you sigh.

“As much as it pains me to let go of one of my babies,” you begin, earning a small smile from the silent brunette, “we’re not going to let you go unprotected.”

To your surprise, Rhyannon lets out a snort of laughter. Her hand immediately flies up to her mouth to stifle it, but you can see by the way her eyes crinkle that her smile has not faded. Alicia cocks her head in confusion.

Realization dawns on you suddenly, and you can’t help the cheesy grin that creeps onto your face. You lean out instinctively to playfully punch Rhyannon. She breaks into a fit of giggles for a moment, then breathes deep to calm them. Her hands reach up and grasp at the air, then come down in a motion you recognize to be the ‘pull-it-together’ motion.

“You are a child,” Alicia says, putting as much malice and annoyance into her voice as she can. Her smile deceives her, however. Before anyone can comment on it, she’s ordering everyone to head outside so that you can be on your way.

The walk toward town is much more tense than the ones before. The air of relaxation has faded, and you’re not sure your grip on the butt of your pistol ever loosens. You come across a total of ten Walkers in the fifteen minutes it takes for you to reach your trusty Walgreens. Rycky takes care of most of them, but Alicia kills at least three. You shouldn’t be attracted to the way she handles her sword with such finesse and grace, but you can’t help yourself.

Despite the messy process of taking out the Walkers, all of you walk away clean and unscathed. You reach the store, still stocked with enough to get you through for a couple of weeks, and immediately begin to load the bags you’ve brought with you with anything that’s worth grabbing. You try not to think about the weight that these bags are beginning to add to your shoulders. You aren’t even sure how long the walk to the beach will take, and it scares you to think of how exhausted you’ll be on the journey there.

The sounds, ever faint but present, reach your ears before you can see the Walker. Your eyes frantically search the mirror that lines the back of the store. You find yourself relieved when you see that the Walker is three aisles over, safely distant from any of the people in your group. Rhyannon notices, too. Her hand tightens around the grip of the Eagle, and she looks to you for confirmation.

You nod subtly, and she purses her lips into a tight line. She walks slowly toward the back of the aisle.

You watch the mirror intently as Rhyannon creeps down the aisle. She pauses and hides behind the shelves. In one swift move, she whips around and aims, then fires a perfect shot through the Walker’s head.

Alicia squeals in surprise next to you, and if you weren’t so impressed, you’d have giggled at her reaction. Rhyannon slinks slowly back to the aisle you’re standing in and stops a foot or two in front of you. You raise your eyebrow incredulously, and her cheeks turn a deep shade of red.

“Dad was a cop,” she says simply, and Alicia scoffs.

“Clearly,” your girlfriend responds, obviously impressed as well. Rycky nods slowly, and there’s the tiniest hint of a grin on Kory’s face.

You decide shortly later that you have enough to suit your needs, and you sling the heavy bags over your shoulders. There’s a collective groan when the weight of them settles on you all. Kory looks at you, eyes half lidded and brow furrowed in annoyance. Alicia lets out a whine that sounds about as frustrated as Kory looks, and you grin.

“Such babies,” you tease, though your own voice is strained as you try to support the weight. “Let’s go.”

You’re walking for only five minutes before you catch sight of what might as well have been a chapel. An abandoned car dealership sits about twenty feet ahead, and your eyes are drawn immediately to a giant black truck sitting in the front of the lot. The closer you get to it, the more you realize that there’s hardly even a scratch on it. In fact, you don’t even see a scratch. It’s in practically perfect position despite the Walkers that could have easily destroyed it.

Without question, everyone follows you as you approach the truck and peer inside. You boost yourself onto the step near the passenger door and peer inside.

“It’ll be a tight squeeze, but it’s something. I can hotwire it and get it started,” you say, and Alicia looks at you incredulously.

“And how the hell do you know how to do that?”

You smirk and give your most convincing wink.

“Girl’s gotta do what she gotta do to survive, cutie,” you tease, and she rolls her eyes in response.

“You’re an idiot.”

Kory has joined you on the step, now, and he peers into the lock hole.

“I could get us in, but we wouldn’t have a key. Betcha if I pick the right locks, I can find the key inside.”

Rycky and Rhyannon exchange a surprised glance, and you let out a belly laugh as Alicia literally crosses her arms. She looks down scornfully at Kory, and he responds with a look that very clearly says “what?!”

“I did not raise you to be this way,” Alicia says. Kory is about to speak when she interjects, “but good, please go do illegal things and get us into this truck.”

Kory and Rycky head off to the building, but not after setting down their heavy bags on the ground next to the truck. As they reach the door, you wince internally at the sound of breaking glass. If the world ever comes back from this apocalypse, you’re not sure there’ll ever be enough time to pick up the pieces and start again.

“Help me load these while they’re searching for the keys?” you ask, darting your eyes back and forth between Rhyannon and Alicia. They both nod and head toward the back of the truck. As if it couldn’t get any more perfect, it’s the kind that has a closing cover for the bed. It’s been ever so conveniently propped open, likely for display. You crawl into the bed carefully after loading your bags, getting your ripped blue jeans and form-fitting black tank covered in dirt. After a small whine of annoyance escapes your lips, you brush the dirt off as best you can and drag the bags gently to the back of the bed. There’s plenty of space, but you don’t want them moving around all too much.

Just after Rhyannon finishes handing her bags over to you, something catches her attention. Her eyes go wide and she lets out a shriek. You and Alicia move faster than light and grab for your weapons skillfully. Your Desert Eagle is pointed and ready in less than three seconds, and you swear you’ve never seen Alicia move that fast. Her pupils are already dilated in focus. The corner of your mouth pulls upward in a smile as you picture the time when she fought Roan, heir to the throne of Azgeda, and Alicia looks strikingly like Lexa did then.

The two of you jump cautiously down from the truck bed, weapons poised and eyes sharp, and you almost let out an audible groan of disbelief when you see why Rhyannon had screamed. What you had expected to be a herd of Walkers is anything but that.

Rhyannon stumbles over to the ditch between the road and the dealership, her injured leg hindering her movement slightly. As soon as she reaches the edge of it, she plops herself directly onto the grass and reaches her arms out. High pitched girly noises are coming from her that you never imagined her capable of, and you and Alicia share an incredulous glance.

You hear footsteps approaching you, and you know that Kory and Rycky are standing right behind you. You don't bother to turn around. Instead, you continue watching as Rhyannon proceeds to lose her mind.

“Is that a kitten?” Rycky asks, his voice as shocked as you feel.

“Yep.”

“With Rhyannon? Also known as the person who cut off my head?” Kory continues.

“Mhm.”

Silence falls over the four of you now, and you simply stare in disbelief at the gushy mess of a girl in the grass in front of you. The jeans she’d snagged from the house are already turning green.

When Rhyannon finally looks up to face you, her eyes shine with unshed tears. They're wide and excited, and the smile on her face is that of a toddler being told they can have two pieces of candy instead of one.

“Can we keep him?” she pleads. You walk wordlessly over to her and help her up, and she cradles the kitten into her neck.

You have to admit, it's pretty damn cute. It can't be more than six weeks old. It's essentially a tiny black ball of fluff with the most adorable golden orbs you've ever seen. He meows quietly at you and you don't bother to stop your hand when it reaches up to pet him.

He wraps his tiny paws around your fingers and nips at your thumb. His tongue is rough like sandpaper and it almost tickles as he runs it across your fingertip.

You want to drop kick yourself off a cliff when you feel your own eyes start to water, and you hear a booming laugh next to you. Alicia’s face is beet red and there’s a grin on her cheeks as her shoulders shake with laughter.

“Are you kidding me?” she wheezes between giggles. She keels over and places her hands on her knees to brace herself.

As much as you love her, you've never been more tempted to knock her knees out from under her than you are right then. You steel your expression over again and bite your cheeks to keep from smiling at the adorable bundle of fur still playing with your hand. You retract it slowly, and Rhyannon again cradles him into her neck.

When you turn around, Rycky and Kory share the same shit faced grin, and you want to scream. You glare at them as hard as you can, and Kory lets out a snort.

“Keys. Now.”

He tosses them to you and shakes his head a little as he begins to walk toward the truck.

You all pile into the truck, all 7 of you. You, Alicia, and Kory sit in the front seat, and Rhyannon, Rycky, and the kitten (who you’ve all decided to name Natblida, or Nat for short) occupy the back. Rycky checks the gas before you get in, and it’s full to the brim. He then repopens the bed for reasons unknown, and you don’t question him. When he finally gets into the back seat, he’s holding a can of tuna, undoubtedly for the cat.

Without question, you are the designated driver for the moment. Alicia curls up next to you. You hold your arm out, and she leans inside it and buries her face in your neck. You feel comfortable driving with one hand, so you let her hang onto your other one that rests on her shoulder. You pull out of the car dealership, admiring how smooth the ride is, and head toward the beach.

This town is quite huge, now that you think of it. And to make matters worse, your destination is on the complete opposite side of it. The drive is going to be at least forty five minutes, and could take up to an hour. You hope and pray that there’s a clear enough path for you to get through to the beach, and you start wondering what you’ll do when you get there.

“Does it feel weird driving on that side?” Rycky asks, his voice slightly muffled by the road noise. You smile and nod, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror.

The truck goes comfortably silent but for the quiet sounds of Natblida eating the tuna Rycky brought. His tiny form is barely visible against the dark interior of the car, but every once in a while you hear his tail flick against the seat in contentedness.

“Likes car rides, I guess,” Alicia says, seemingly hearing the same thing.

You can only imagine the look of pure unadulterated joy on Rhyannon’s face as she watches the kitten. She’s been quiet since you pulled out of the dealership, seemingly focused on the little critter completely.

“So, the great Ontari, the Ice Nation’s finest nightblood, was reborn as a crybaby that loves cats?” Alicia teases, looking up into the rearview mirror. You give her hand a scolding squeeze, and you’re fairly certain she glares at you momentarily.

“Oh shut up,” you tell her, and her glare intensifies. If looks could kill, you’d have been dead seconds ago. Her glare practically lasers into your skin, and you feel a smirk creeping onto your cheeks. “You cried when I kissed you.”

Kory snorts and leans his head against the window as silent laughter shakes his small frame. Alicia proceeds to bury her face into your neck, again. For a moment, you think she’s being adorably bashful, but you should’ve known better. She clamps down hard on the sensitive skin, and you let out a yelp of pain. She releases instantly, likely not leaving a mark, but the sting still remains.

“Rude,” you mutter, and Alicia smiles triumphantly.

The rest of the ride to the beach is actually fairly peaceful and quiet. There’s not much said, and you admire the way there’s no need to fill the space with words. The Grounders had always been people of few words, and it seems that aspect of their personalities has carried over into this life.

The drive takes closer to the hour than the forty five minutes you’d predicted, and by the time you arrive, half the car is asleep. The only two left awake other than yourself are Rhyannon and Rycky.

You decide not to wake anyone yet and pull the truck into a corner on high ground. Your eyes scan the area, searching desperately for some sort of answer. You don’t know quite what you’re looking for, but you hope that you’ll know it when you see it. You’ve always been that kind of person. You never know what you want or need, but once you find it, you’re sure that’s it.

That philosophy proves to be correct, but at a cost. Rather closeby, there’s a house on the same hill you’ve perched yourself on. In the window, you see people moving around, sitting around a table. You watch for a while, but they move too fluidly to be Walkers; they’re human. Relief washes through you at the sight of another group of people in an apparently safe house.

Your relief does not last for long, however, when you catch sight of a few rogue Walkers heading that way. A quick glance around reveals that they’re the only ones, and it is not the beginning of a huge herd. Four or five you can handle easily. A herd, however, you’re not even sure you’d have the energy for.

“Rhy, Rycky, stay here,” you say quietly. Alicia stirs at the sound of your voice, and you continue talking as your eyes flutter open. “Keep Kory in here.”

“What is it?” Alicia asks, her voice raspy and whispery from sleep. You simply unravel yourself from around her and point toward the Walkers heading toward the group inside the beach house. Her eyes follow where you point, and her eyes suddenly widen. You raise your eyebrow, confused at her sudden different reaction.

“There’s just a few, Lysh, we can -”

“Elyza, that’s my family.”

The two of you are out of the car, weapons poised faster than you can blink. You run up the hill, careful not to get caught on any rocks or jagged edges. The Walkers pay you no mind, however.

_Like hell they won’t,_ you think. You draw your pistol and take aim, and you knock out the first of the Walkers.

A few people inside pour out of the house at the sudden sound, and suddenly, there’s four people knocking out the last four Walkers. The last Walker is taken out by Alicia slicing her sword through it in one swift move.

“Alicia?”

A woman just shorter than you with wavy blonde hair stares in disbelief at Alicia. A darker skinned man with mussed curly black locks walks up next to her, and they share the same expression.

You gently reach over and take the sword from Alicia’s hands, and she barrels into the pair. You imagine that the blonde is her mother, and the man might be her father, or her mother’s boyfriend.

Soon, three more people come out of the house. A wiry, lanky man with the greasiest and messiest hair you’ve ever seen cries out Alicia’s name and runs to join the hug. Her brother, possibly.

The other two people look nothing like the family, and you assume that they’re people that have been picked up along the way, too. You wonder if Alicia has met them, or if they were found after she got separated from the family.

You hear shuffling behind you, and you immediately spin around on your heels and point your weapon once again. Kory holds his hands up, almost completely unfazed by the action, and you let out a breath of relief as your arms drop.

“What happened to keeping him in the car?”

“I’m pretty sure he only listens to you and Alicia,” Rycky says, though he’s smiling. Kory grins in response, and you figure that Rycky is probably right.

Rhyannon has Natblida in her arms, and the kitten appears to be fast asleep. You wonder how the bugger can relax in a zombie apocalypse and find yourself almost envious of a kitten.

“Lyza, come here.”

“Yes ma’am,” you respond, spinning back around. Alicia beckons to you from her spot next to her family, and you stand at her side. You leave a decent amount of space just in case.

“This is my family. Madison, my mother, Travis, her boyfriend, and Nick, my brother,” she says, pointing at the people respectively. You smile as genuinely as possible, and you want to kick yourself when you realize that you’re nervous.

“G’day,” you say, and Madison raises her eyebrows.

“Aussie, huh?”

You smile wider now and nod. Travis nods his approval, and Nick gives you a wicked grin. You realize that Alicia has never talked about her family in the whole two months that you have been with her. She had probably tried to block that thought out so that it didn’t hurt, and the fact makes _your_ heart ache.

“And who’s this?” Travis asks, his eyes never leaving yours. You feel your heart start to jackhammer in your chest.

He knows already. He has to. He wouldn’t be looking at you that way if he didn’t.

“This,” Alicia says, closing the space between you two. She slips her fingers into yours, and you grasp her hand shakily.

“This is Elyza Lex. My girlfriend.”

Travis, Madison, and Nick stare you down, and for a moment you’re not sure what they’re thinking. They remain expressionless for a moment, then the three of them share a few wordless glances.

“Told you she was only boycrazy as a cover up,” Nick mutters, and you feel Alicia lurch forward to slap him. She grins ear to ear, and your chest rushes with adoration at the sight.

“Be good to her, and we’ve got nothing to worry about,” Travis says. He holds his hand out to you, and you shake it firmly with your free hand. Madison gives you a knowing glance, and you simply nod.

Rhy, Rycky, and Kory approach the lot of you tentatively. You think that they look about the shyest you’ve ever seen them, and it’s rather adorable if you have to admit it.

“How many of you are there?” Madison asks as Alicia lets go of your hand. She maneuvers over to Kory and slips her arm around his shoulders. Both Madison and Travis knit their eyebrows together and crinkle their noses in confusion.

“It’s just us, plus this little guy,” Alicia says, reaching over with her free hand to pet Natblida. The kitten has woken, now, and he stares silently, doe-eyed, at the scene unfolding before him. You grin at the sight.

“Rhyannon, Rycky, and Kory,” you say, pointing to each one. They smile bashfully and wave.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” Madison replies, and her voice inflects upward at the end of her statement. She says it as though it is a question, or that she is unsure of herself.

“Let’s get you inside. We’re packing up...there’s a boat that we’re going to take out of here. We need to leave by sundown.”

\---

The evening is infinitely crazier than you could have imagined it to be. You’re introduced to the other two members of the group, and you learn that Alicia did know them before. The girl she hugged is named Ofelia. Chris, Travis’ son, had not come outside when you arrived. He’s a short, lanky fellow with shaggy black hair. You’re immediately put off by his demeanor, but you soon learn why he is the way he is.

As soon asks where someone named Liza is, there’s an uncomfortable and heavy silence that answers the question long before anyone speaks. She cries silently for the rest of the time that you’re packing up.

The bombs start around six. All you can do is hope and pray that you’ll be safe until you can get out to the boat. Your prayers are answered, thankfully, and despite the fires and the herds of fleeing Walkers, you make it onto the boat around dark. It’s a beautiful, intricate boat that is obviously owned by someone rich enough to buy the entire city. Your amazement is increased when you realize that the place is stocked with seemingly endless food and supplies. The dinner you have that night is the best food you’ve had in three months. Despite being strangers, the gigantic lot of you get on quite well. You decide that Nick is your favorite of the group, even though you can tell there’s something not quite right about him.

The midnight moonlight streaming in through the window that you and Alicia have claimed as your own (one of at least five rooms, could you believe?) is enough to capture your attention. Alicia is curled into your arms, her face buried in your neck as her chest rises and falls steadily in sleep. You admire the way she looks relaxed, truly calm. She only looks this way when she sleeps, and you swear each night you fall in love over again.

As enamored as you are by the woman in your arms, sleep refuses to find you. You can feel exhaustion teasing you, but slumber feels just out of your reach. You sigh and slowly, painfully slowly, you weasel your way out of Alicia’s iron grip. She stirs only for a moment, and you pull the covers up over her shoulders. She settles, her breathing soon returning to its previous steadiness.

You walk timidly out into the hall, unaware of which boards creaked and which ones didn’t. You pass the room where Kory, Rycky, and Rhyannon are holed up, and the door is slightly cracked open. Rhyannon is passed out on the couch with Natblida on her chest, and Rycky and Kory seem to have found plenty of space in the gigantic bed to make it work. You smile contentedly at the sight and carry on.

You begin to shiver against the cool breeze coming in through the open door to the deck. Before questioning why it’s been left open, your hand reaches for one of the folded blankets left on the couch in the living space. There’s a spare one hanging over the arm, and you’re cautious not to wake Nick’s sleeping form as you take it.

As soon as the blanket is wrapped around your shoulders, you instantly feel warmer. You trudge toward the open door and step outside.

Madison sits on one of the cushioned seats lining the inside of the hull, several blankets wrapped around her, as well. She stares silently and stoically out at the water rushing behind the boat as it speeds on in autopilot. As stoic as she is, however, you’re fairly certain there’s an expression of contentment.

You don’t move at first, and instead stand awkwardly in the doorway. 

A sudden jolt of the boat against the raging night sea sends you stumbling forward, and you grab onto the wall hurriedly. The sound startles Madison out of her transfixion on the water and her eyes widen in surprise. Her features soften as she realizes it’s only you.

Once you feel steady again, you sit wordlessly on the seat nearest you, maintaining eye contact as you do so. Madison smiles a small, almost imperceptible smile and gently pats the seat next to her.

Hesitantly, you stand and follow her direction. When you sit, just inches apart now, she says nothing at first. Instead, she turns her head and watches the water once again. You decide that isn’t such a bad idea and let your mind wander as the waves crash against the side of the boat.

“You all seem very close.”

You look up, and Madison looks to you, now. You search her features for any sign of upsettedness, but you come up empty.

“Yeah, it’s...hard to explain,” you stutter. You can’t imagine trying to explain a past life to her, let alone her believing you. “You’d call us crazy. Say we got bit or something.”

Madison smiles again, now, still the same half smile riddled with exhaustion.

“Try me.”

You look to the water once again, then flick your eyes toward the moon. It’s a full moon, and something about the sight makes you relax. 

_ Ah, what the hell. Who knows how long we’ll make it through this? _

So, you tell her. You tell her everything. You’re fairly sure that it takes almost half an hour to explain everybody’s stories, and the whole time, Madison remains emotionless. You’re not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

When you finally finish, she doesn’t say anything for a few moments.

“So if I asked, they’d tell me the same thing? Same details and all?”

You nod. “Say this to Alicia. See how she responds.”

You speak without thought, and you’re grateful for the way the language still rolls effortlessly off your tongue.

“Ai laik Madison kom Los Angeles. Yu laik Heda.”

Madison tests the words on her own tongue, and she seems satisfied with her pronunciation after a few tries. You can’t help but smile at how odd it seems to hear someone you don’t know speaking Trigedasleng.

“It’s strange, yes,” she admits after a beat of silence. “But I never thought I’d live through a zombie apocalypse. I believe you.”

You smile gratefully, a small smile, and you take a deep breath of relief.

“What was your family like?”

“In this life, or the one before?”

“Both.”

You sigh. You had not thought of family in a long, long time. Alicia, Rycky, Kory, and now Rhy...they are your family, and you’re so enamored by them that you feel like you’ve forgotten your real family.

“In this life, I didn’t really have a family,” you admit. “I grew up in a foster home and was out of there as soon as I could be. Been alone ever since.”

Memories of a stern headmistress kind of person and tens upon tens of prissy, terrible girls run through your mind. You swallow hard, knowing now why you tried to block it out. This is your family now. You didn’t have a family until two months ago, truly, and all you want to care about now is the one you do have.

Madison senses your discomfort and doesn’t push. Instead, she asks simple questions.

“And Clarke? Clarke with an e?”

You grin at the statement, and Madison smiles back. Your voices are quiet and slow with tiredness, and despite the circumstances, you feel a strange sense of calm.

Your eyes fall shut as you rack your brain for memories.

“I was an only child. On the Ark, there was no such thing as brothers and sisters. The only case we know of resulted in the mother being executed for bringing too many people into a place with so sparse oxygen,” you explain, your eyes still shut. Your heart aches with longing for Bellamy and Octavia, and you wonder if they’re out there somewhere, too. 

“My parents’ names were Jake and Abby Griffin. My father was executed on the Ark. He found an issue with the oxygen system and when he tried to release the information publicly, my best friend Wells turned him in.”

“My mother was a doctor. The best one on the Ark. She made a hell of a healer on the ground,” you continue. You can feel your throat beginning to constrict as your eyes, still closed, water against your will. When you open them in attempt to will the water away, a stray tear falls instead. You wipe away at it hurriedly, but you know Madison saw it.

“I miss them so much,” you say, and you hate the way your voice cracks. “But you know something?”

Madison cocks her head slightly.

“Everyone in my life always told me that everything bad that happened was my fault. That the blood was on my hands,” you say, recalling the countless times you had been blamed for the bad things that happened. Your mind, however, wanders to the only one who didn’t.

“Lexa was the only one who never did. She was the only one who ever built me up instead of tearing me down.”

Madison smiles wide, her eyes shining with unshed tears of her own. Her nose and cheeks have turned slightly red.

“Lexa, and my dad,” you say almost bitterly. Of course, you had to lose the only two people who ever loved you wholeheartedly.

“Did you ever meet your dad again?” Madison asks. You shake your head, and a whole new heartbreak washes over you at the realization that you could have. You had all of these wonderful people...why couldn’t you have him, too?

“Maybe someday,” Madison reassures. Your heart stops at the familiarity of the words, and you clear your throat to try to regain some composure. A sudden cold hand on your shoulder frightens you at first, but when you look up to meet Madison’s compassionate eyes, you settle.

“We should try to rest. We’re going to need it,” she says quietly, her motherly tone both causing and curing your heartache. She stands and holds her hand out to you.

You take it and pull yourself up, and she wordlessly leads you inside with her arm around your shoulders. You think that you may have just found your first real family in literally a lifetime.

When the two of you wordlessly part, sharing only a knowing glance before going to your rooms, you find Alicia sitting up awake. The covers are pulled up to her chin, and her eyes are just barely open. The smile she sends your way is the only sign you have that she’s awake.

“It got cold,” she whispers, and you grin. She holds the covers up lazily and you crawl in, immediately wrapping your arms around her truly cold body. 

She’s fast asleep in seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure when the last monster chapter will come, but just a warning: it's going to be emotional. I hope you've enjoyed this ride as much as I have.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't listen to 'Goodbye My Lover' while reading this. Just don't.

If someone had told you that your morning would have started with Trigedasleng being the first words out of your mother’s mouth, you’d have rolled your eyes and gone back to sleep. Yet, when you walked into the kitchen and found her there by herself, she did exactly that. You couldn’t breathe for a solid five seconds.

It’s likely somewhere around 8 am, now, and the rocking of the waves has everyone awake. All of you are sporting incredible bedhead and tired, bloodshot eyes. Elyza and your mother look especially exhausted, and you now know why. You’ve just explained, in a stumbling, roundabout way, what has happened to you. Natblida rests in Rhyannon’s lap the entire time, tail flicking in contentedness as you all speak.

“Dude, okay, are you serious?” Chris says incredulously, looking back and forth between you and Elyza and the rest of your little band of misfits.

“What proof do you need?”

“Say something in the language,” he says. You fight the urge to roll your eyes at his childishness, but you’re secretly grateful to see him seem so alive. The past day he may as well have been a Walker, seeing how distant and angry he was. You rack your brain for phrases, and a particularly exhilarating memory crosses your mind.

“Ai laik Heda. Non na throu daun gon ai,” you say. Your voice holds the same boldness and strength that it had before. You’re pretty sure you snarl in the same way, too. Chris’ eyes widen in amazement, and you allow yourself a tiny, halfhearted smile.

Everyone in the room seems convinced of your truth except for two. Daniel and Travis stare at all of you, squinted eyes darting back and forth between each person in skepticism. You knew that they would be the hardest people to convince, and you’re not certain you know how to do so.

“You’re saying you were reincarnated?” Daniel asks tentatively, his raspy voice dripping with doubt. You nod, and he sighs.

“Travis, do you really think they could make this up?” Mom says, resting her hand on his arm. He raises an eyebrow at you, and when you do not waver, he lets out a sigh of defeat.

“I suppose if we’re living in a zombie apocalypse, then this isn’t so far fetched, either,” he admits. You smile, now, grateful to have him convinced. You turn your gaze to the only one left: Daniel.

He doesn’t speak for a moment, and only stares at the lot of you with pursed lips. You can see the gears turning in his head and know it’s only a matter of time before he speaks his mind.

He holds up one finger, then stands and walks away. You turn and meet Elyza’s eyes, and you find the same confusion that you feel. She shrugs, leaving you only to wait until his return.

When he comes back, he is carrying something in his hands. You can’t make out what it is, but you’re fairly certain that it’s a small book on top of a tiny box, one you could put a gift card in. Daniel sits wordlessly and meets your eyes.

“This is an artifact from many years ago. You may have it only if you can answer me one question,” he says, opening the book. You catch the front of it and your heart almost stops.

“Can you recite the lineage?”

Rycky, Ontari, Aden, and Elyza’s eyes widen, and your breath catches in your throat. Could it be?

Without hesitation, however, the names roll off your lips like water down a pane of glass. Not for one moment do you have to search for answers. A surge of pride rushes through your chest as you realize that you have not forgotten who you were, nor the ones who came before you.

As you say your own name, your past name, Daniel’s lips turn upward in the smallest of smiles. He closes the book gently and hands it to you, then hands the box to Elyza.

As Nick, Travis, Madison, Chris, and Ofelia look between each other in confusion, your friends gather around you and Elyza hurriedly. Elyza’s thumbs rest on the edge of the little box, prepared to slide it open. She looks to you for confirmation, and with your breath held, you nod.

It takes a little effort, seeing as the box is old and somewhat rusted, but she gets it open. You hear a collective gasp at the sight before you, and if you weren’t so shocked you’d have grinned at Kory’s childlike wondrous gaze.

“I’m going to assume that this belonged to you, no?” Daniel says, and this time, his smile is slightly wider. You nod, carefully picking up the small chip as though you fear it may break.

You hold it up to the light, able to see its inner workings. There’s a part of you that is saddened by the realization that it is no longer functional, but you’re also grateful to have moved past the hardships that being the host of the chip had brought.

“Does anyone plan on explaining what the hell that thing is?” Nick mutters, and Rhyannon giggles. She, Rycky, and Kory sit back down on the floor, no longer blocking the line of sight.

“I was looking for that little shit until the day I died,” Rhyannon says, glaring as convincingly as she could at Elyza. You snort, and Elyza simply shrugs in response.

“That would be the spirit of the Commander. No one else in the world has or has ever seen either of these things. They are speaking true,” Daniel explains. You nod gratefully in his direction, and he simply blinks slowly and smiles in response.

You place the chip back inside its box and close it slowly, still holding the book tightly in your hand. You resist the temptation to hold the items close to your chest and instead place the items in your pocket. You’ll put them away in as safe of keeping as you can think of later.

For a while, there is only a comfortable silence in the room. You watch each person’s expression carefully, and you deduce that even Travis has come to terms with the idea.

“Commander or not, you’re still my daughter. And as my eighteen year old daughter’s mother, I suggest you eat and go have some fun. We’re well into the water. Go swimming, for God’s sake,” Madison says, and you smile wide, now. You feel a childlike lightness in your chest now, all weight of being Heda instantly gone as you snap back to the present. Kory’s eyes light up at the mention of swimming, and he looks back to you and Elyza as if for permission.

“Have you forgotten that we aren’t your parents?” Elyza teases, and Kory rolls his eyes in response and pulls himself to his feet. He holds out one hand to you and one hand to Elyza, and you take his hand to reach a standing position as well.

“So tell me, how do you all know each other, again?” Chris asks as you all head into the kitchen. Daniel searches through cabinets until he finds a griddle and what appears to be pancake mix. You can’t help but to grin, since you haven’t had real breakfast food other than cereal in a fourth of a year. (You know it’s easier to say three months, but a fourth of a year is just so much more dramatic and effective.)

There’s an island in the center of the kitchen covered in the same granite red and black countertops as the counter itself. Black, cushioned barstools line the island, and those who are not busy cooking breakfast sit around the island. It’s a tight squeeze, but you make it work. As Madison sits on the other side of you, she gently places her hand on your arm for a moment, and you relish in the warmth of her motherly touch.

“I was in the same clan as Lincoln, Trikru. Same as Aden. Ontari was always Ice Nation, she was only around after my death for the most part,” you begin.

“She murdered me,” Kory says, and he earns a slap on the shoulder from Rhyannon. Neither of you miss the flash of pain in her eyes, however, and Kory quickly places his hand on her arm.

“I was a terrible temporary Commander. You don’t understand. I was SO BAD,” Rhyannon says, attempting to lighten her mood. Everyone at the table cracks a grin, and you visibly see her relax. Kory, however, does not move his hand.

“Clarke literally fell from the sky and after I stopped being a dick, she made herself nice and cozy in Polis, the Grounder capitol. Lincoln and Clarke knew each other through Octavia, Lincoln’s girlfriend,” you finish. Rycky smiles proudly at the memory of Octavia, and Elyza smiles back at him. Both of them share slightly saddened expressions despite their grins.

“My sassy, snarky sister was a leader of an entire people,” Nick says, as though confirming the information he has received. He raises the glass of water in his hand in your direction, and you smile in return.

\--

When breakfast is eaten and most of the passengers on the ship are headed to their rooms to rid themselves of their extra layers before swimming, you and Daniel offer to clean up the kitchen. Despite the protests of the others, you wave them off, and they eventually give up fighting. You grin victoriously and begin gathering all of the dishes to hand to Daniel as he washes them. The two of you work together in a comfortable silence.

While you’re cleaning off the now-cooled griddle, almost ready to place it back into the cabinet, Daniel speaks.

“We don’t all look the same as we did then, Heda.”

Your blood runs cold. You swear you can hear his voice. Your teacher, your mentor. He is there. You know it before he says it.

You had imagined a million times over what you would do if you were ever face to face with him in this life. You imagined every brutal way of murdering him, exactly where you would shoot him, exactly what words you would spit at him before leaving him to die. You expect that familiar flood of anger to reach you, but it never does. Instead, you feel your eyes sting with unshed tears as you put down the rag and turn to him.

Daniel stands taller now. As soon as the two of you meet eyes, he falls to one knee and bows his head.

“Forgive me, Lexa,” he whispers. Your throat clenches tightly and a lump rises in it, making it more difficult to hold off your emotion. Your vision blurs, and you take in a ragged breath.

“I don’t know if I can do that yet,” you admit, not wanting to lie to him. You place a hand on his shoulder and pull him upward to stand. He obeys and meets your eyes with tearful ones of his own. “But I know that you thought you were doing what was best for me. Do you still believe that to be true?”

“No, Heda,” he says. “I thought I was, but I see now that I was not. I’m sorry.”

You nod slowly, not sure if you can trust your voice anymore. You rack your brain for the right words to say, but they don’t come at first. You begin to wonder if you will have to leave him without another word.

When the words do come, however, you know it’s exactly what needs to be said.

“Dishon don ste nodataim. This is today.”

Titus nods once, curtly but respectfully, and returns to washing the dishes.

\---

Two weeks have passed since that day. Life has been just about perfect, if you’re being honest. You haven’t seen or heard a threat since then. You haven’t even seen any other people. Though that could be a bad thing, you don’t have it in you to care. Everyone you need is on the boat, and you couldn’t ask for anyone more. (You could, actually, but you will not be greedy. This is enough for you.)

Though not family by blood, Rycky, Rhyannon, Kory, and Elyza fit into your family just as well as Daniel and Ofelia had. Nick and Chris are obsessed with having a little brother to tease and pester. Kory acts like he hates it, but neither you or Elyza miss the way he smiles to himself when they aren’t looking. You haven’t seen him this happy in a lifetime, and you’re grateful for the time you’ve been given with him again. He’s pulled Chris from the depressive and violent state that he was in with the loss of Liza. Nick hasn’t talked about drugs in two weeks. The three of them are perfect together, and it warms your heart every time you see them.

Rycky, Travis, and Daniel get on wonderfully. They spend hours upon hours sharing stories and memories while drinking beer from the bar. (The boat truly does have everything.) You wonder of Rycky knows who Daniel truly is. For a while, you don’t think he catches on, but when Daniel slips and calls him Lincoln, you can see the flash of recognition in his eyes. A wordless glance between the two of them and subtle nods are all that it takes.

Rhyannon, Madison, Ofelia, you, and Elyza are practically inseparable. They’re all obsessed with Natblida, and the little kitten is already starting to grow. Aside from him, you bond over watching your boys enjoy themselves and you spend your fair amount of time telling stories, too. You deduce that though each of you are warriors in your own way, it’s rather hilarious how girly you still are. Rhyannon and Elyza spend forever talking about the right way to do their eyebrows, and you can’t help but do the same with Ofelia about doing nails. Everything feels so strangely domestic and normal, and you think that it’s the first time you’ve breathed clearly since everything started.

You don’t know what power on Earth, Heaven, or even Hell below you allows this morning’s events to happen, but you’re fairly certain that you will still be thanking Fate with your last breath. You don’t know when that’ll be, but at this point, you’re not certain that you care.

If it weren’t for the loud yelling coming from the other boat at just past dawn, you probably would never have found them in the first place. The second you and Elyza hear through the open bedroom window, however, you both rush out of bed without so much as a glance and stumble out toward the deck. Kory, already awake and reading a book that he found, glances at you confusedly when you run by.

“You really think we should stop and see who’s in there? Ever considered that there’s, I don’t know, WALKERS infesting that boat?”

“Don’t you think we would have noticed by now? Besides, I thought I saw a boy come out to the deck at dawn. Come on, please?”

By the time you make it to the deck, you realize that the boat, despite the oldest boy’s protest, is already steering toward your own boat. You peer through the window where you can see the controls, and you see a scruffy man with decently long brown hair steering the boat. You don’t recognize him, but you sure as hell recognize the woman who walks up next to him and wraps her arms around him. Your breath hitches in your throat.

Before you can react, however, the girl who was fighting the oldest boy is spinning around on her heels. When she sees you and Elyza, her jaw drops to the floor. Her shock soon gives way to emotion, and she lets out an excited squeal as tears fill her eyes.

You don’t even know if it’ll work, but when the man pulls up by the side of your boat and the oldest boy starts wrapping chains around the two rails to connect them, you don’t question. Instead, you help him as much as you can, willing yourself to focus on the task at hand before losing your mind. The boat you’re on is bigger than their boat, so you decide internally that their best bet would be coming over onto your boat. You all keep as calm as you can as you help each person make their way over the railings and onto the deck. With each new person that climbs out of the opposite boat’s cabin, you feel your emotions bubbling higher and higher. By the time the last person is over the railing, her dark skin and curly locks just as amazing as you remembered, you’re a snotty, tear-streaked mess.

Not one, not two, but three sets of strong arms pull you into a tight bear hug. Your vision is blurred, and your arms already shake from how tightly you hold on, but you allow yourself to take them in as much as you can. You look up, just shorter now than all of them, and observe their faces.

His hair is shorter now. It’s cut into a nice, groomed look that makes him appear much more modern and sophisticated. He looks different with the glasses, but his long beard and the same eyes he’s always had gives him away. He could look entirely different, and you would know his soul anywhere. This, you are certain of.

The girls look exactly the same, unbelievably so. The warrior that you trained under has even dyed her hair the exact same way, and her eyes are just as dark and mysterious as you remember them. Her cheekbones, still as prominent as ever, still intimidate you as they did then. Your once lover, slightly older than she was when you lost her, has the same bright chocolate orbs as she did then, the same freckles on her cheeks, and that same goofy grin. Her wild curls are pulled back into a ponytail, but you know that they’re still as bouncy and abundant as ever.

“Don’t tell me these years have turned you into a softie, now,” Anya teases, her own voice wet with emotion. You roll your eyes and bury yourself back into her shoulder, unwilling yet to let go. Costia rubs circles on your back as she giggles, watery and emotional, at the sight of you so vulnerable and open. You know she was one of the few to see it, and you imagine she’s grateful to see how time has changed you.

When you finally pull yourself away from Anya and Costia, Gustus looks down at you with pleading eyes. You recognize the look. Two weeks ago, when Titus bowed before you in the middle of the boat’s kitchen, you saw the same exact expression. Gustus, however, is much easier to forgive. You say nothing and wrap your arms around his middle. It is strange to show such affection, but as you said, this is another time. You will not let your past hold you back. You cherish love now, more than ever, and you will not let anything take that away from you again.

The three of you rejoin the massive group of people on the deck. It’s getting to be a bit of a tight squeeze, but you know that nobody minds.

You’re surprised by the way that Ontari is not ostracized. You assume that since she is with you, no one feels the need to shun or scold her. She is welcomed in loving arms just as the rest of you are. You can only imagine the look on your mother’s face at the moment, and you can’t help but to grin though tears still fall from your eyes.

Octavia has wrapped herself around Lincoln completely, much like a koala. You chuckle at the comparison, considering Lincoln’s accent is as heavy as it gets. You wonder if Octavia has noticed yet, but you know she likely doesn’t care. She appears too preoccupied with wrapping each limb as tightly as possible around his torso and shoulders.

When Kory sees Anya, Costia, and Gustus, all four of them can only stop and stare for a moment. They stand there, slack jawed and frozen in place. Costia is the first to snap out of it, however, and she rushes to the boy and wraps him into her arms faster than you can blink. Fresh tears make their way to your eyes, and you choke back a strangled happy sob as you see Anya and Gustus fall to their knees around the two of them and join in the hug.

Raven and Bellamy approach you, tearful but the calmest of those around you, and the three of you only smile. No words need to be said as they pull you into a tight but still breathable hug. It doesn’t last for long, but it is enough. You couldn’t be more grateful for their acceptance, since you know that a part of them never really liked you before. You see forgiveness in their eyes and that is all you need.

You turn around just for a moment and see your family watching on silently. They seem to understand, and your mother simply smiles when she catches your eye. Travis nods to you with a smile, as well. Your favorite reaction, however, is the ear-to-ear grins on Chris and Nick’s faces. Nick mouths something to you that you can’t quite catch, but judging by the way he rolls his eyes afterward, you decide that sticking your tongue out at him is an appropriate response. He grins again, and you smile, too.

You meet Daniel’s eyes and silently beckon for him to join you. He smiles calmly and shakes his head. You barely hear him, but he says “later,” you don’t press it any further. Instead, you turn back around to watch the giant reunion before you.

In all this time, Elyza still has not moved. She has been in Abby’s and the mystery man’s arms for a solid ten minutes now. You can see her shoulders shaking, and you want nothing more than to walk over to her and comfort her, too.

Before you realize what you’re doing, your legs are taking you toward them. You know you should stop. You know that you should walk away and let them be. This is their moment, their time, and you don’t need to intrude on it. The second Elyza realizes that you’re there, however, she reaches her arm out and pulls you into the hug before you know it.

You tense for a moment. Last you knew, Abby wasn’t particularly in love with the idea of returning to the alliance, let alone becoming a clan. Now, however, that seems to be completely gone as she wraps her arms around both you and Elyza without a second guess. The mystery man, who really isn’t so mysterious when you think about it, follows Abby’s motion and pulls you closer.

“Thank you for taking care of her,” Abby whispers. “We were so scared.”

You feel a sob rising in your throat again, and you don’t try to swallow it back. The sound results in being pulled even closer as tears stain the gray thermal shirt you’re leaning into.

“She needed somebody who stopped blaming her,” Jake says. “You were that.”

Elyza cries harder next to you, and you can’t stop yourself from pressing a kiss to her temple. Before you can panic, you catch sight of Abby’s smile and you feel a wave of relaxation wash over you. You nuzzle your head into the crook created by Abby’s and Jake’s shoulders and let your eyes fall shut.

\---

It takes nearly two hours this time around to introduce and explain. You gather that Daniel is the only person who’s name doesn’t quite fit into this strange mold Fate has cut out for you all. Everyone else’s last names are in the same format as before, and the fact brings a new happiness to you. In all these years of not knowing, and of being a part, there was still something keeping you together.

You end up having to write all of the names down on paper to keep track of it all, and of all people, Madison is the most amused.

_Alicia Clark_

_Elyza Lex_

_Kory Hed_

_Rycky Octave_

_Rhyannon Ni_

_Robert Octave_

_Maree Linc_

_Payge Clark_

_Khris Abbs_

_Dychen Lex_

_Zoe Lex_

_Alex Hed_

_Lyndsey Fin_

The shared last names makes you smile. You know for certain that none of you are related, but you’re amazed at how the way your names work truly shows who your opposite was in the past. You’re not sure how easy it will be to get used to calling them by their current names. Judging by the way that everyone except your blood family is calling you Lexa, you assume it will be a struggle for your newly found friends and family.

The boat is completely cramped, now. With twenty some people all in one cabin, managing places to sit and be comfortable isn’t the easiest task. Through some smart maneuvering and some lap sitting, you all manage to make yourselves comfortable in the living area and kitchen. The two rooms are right next to each other, so voices need only be raised slightly to hear.

“Breakfast, anyone?” Daniel asks. He stands at the countertop next to Ofelia and Chris. Nods of agreement ripple through the mass of people surrounding you, and Daniel smiles softly before searching the cupboards for food. Jake - Khris - offers to gather some food from the other boat, as well, and he and Abby head carefully back over.

“Can you still fight, Heda?” Maree inquires, her eyebrow raised and a devilish smirk on her cheeks. You grin, but your competitive nature is already starting to rise in your chest. You stand slowly, releasing your hand from Elyza’s grip, and nod. You can already picture your beautiful child, that perfectly engraved sword in your bedroom, and the way it can swish and twirl in your hands effortlessly.

“Do you challenge me?” you ask. Your mother looks at you suddenly, her head snapping your direction as the sudden change in your tone startles her from her conversation with Travis. In the corner of your eye, you see Elyza grin. She knows that Alicia has gone, and Lexa has arrived.

Robert shakes his head and smiles at his once little sister. He folds his arms and leans back in his chair, that amused grin still on his lips as he watches the two of you.

“Sha, Heda. Yumi na throu daun,” Maree says. Her voice is low and menacing, and you admire the warrior in her still. She doesn’t have to wear war paint or have her hair done in intricate Grounder braids to appear strong. The way she carries herself, tall and proud as she rises and walks toward you, is enough in itself.

“Hoe down throw down,” Nick mutters from his seat across from Elyza, and you hear an amused snort from Kory next to him. When you meet the younger boy’s eyes, he stills immediately and sinks into himself. If you weren’t trying to be intimidating, you would have giggled at the way he still does that after all this time.

“To the deck?” Maree suggests. She draws her sword slowly, so that you can hear the blade scrape against the cover, and she points it menacingly toward you. You nod, and as you’re about to leave to grab your sword, Kory walks back out into the hallway. You hadn’t even noticed that he’d left, but he kneels before you and holds the blade up to you.

You and Maree share another devious glance, and Robert sighs.

“Ladies, ladies, you’re both pretty,” he teases. This is clearly not Bellamy speaking, but that doesn’t stop Maree from spinning around and pressing the tip of the blade to the soft patch of skin just beneath the chin. Robert’s eyes widen, and you hear your mother and Travis gasp and move to stop her. Out of habit, you hold up your hand, and they still. Elyza grins again. The power of Heda is respected in any lifetime, apparently, no matter who you are.

“Robert, if you reduce warriors to girls having a bitchfight again, I will not hesitate to use this,” Maree says. Though there’s a flash of a smile in her eyes, she keeps her face trained and stoic. Robert gulps and nods, wincing as the blade nicks his chin. You catch Anya’s eyes, and she grins proudly at the interaction.

“I’m glad we have an understanding,” Maree says. You hear Daniel chuckling as he pours pancake mix onto the griddle. You wonder if he remembers your dramatic antics as Commander and is laughing at the way every Grounder girl seems to be just as dramatic.

Maree withdraws her sword and turns back to face you. “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

As always, you win. You end up with both your sword and Maree’s, and just for good fun and good measure, you shove her off the edge of the deck and into the ocean water. She comes up sputtering but giggly. When your mother just stares at the two of you, brows knitted together and mouth slightly ajar as she shakes her head in dismissal and walks back inside, you let out a belly laugh. The only thing that interrupts it is Maree sneaking up on you and shoving you into the water, too.

\--

**Elyza POV**

It’s been three days since the others found you, and again, it’s been quite wonderful from the standpoint of the people. It hasn’t been as perfect as the first two weeks at sea, however, because you’re running into problems. Your food supply is starting to dwindle down, and you assume that there’s only about three more days worth of food for the twenty some group of people. The damaged but still functional radio, glued to Daniel’s side for majority of the time, is picking up reports of how life is going on land. According to the screaming newscasters trying to get their voice heard over the chaos in the background, things are getting much worse. You doubt that there’s a safe place anywhere on land. The appearance of Walkers that have learned how to swim, though few and far between, have shaken your confidence on the idea that the sea is the only safe place on Earth.

In these three days, you have been so excited that you’ve barely slept at all. You already have lost track of how many hours have been spent on the deck under the stars, just talking. You learn more than you thought possible about everyone. You learn about this lifetime just as much a you learn the one before, and it almost feels as if you’re meeting two people for every one body. In your head, you imagine the two souls fighting to be the one on the outside, the prevalent one.

It amazes you how, in just these three short days, you feel closer to these people than you did in years the life before. You even learn things about your own parents that you never knew, and it’s comforting. With everything falling to shit around you, finding familiarity and learning all over again is comforting.

Dusk is falling over you, now, and you sit with Alicia, Kory, Payge and Khris out on the edge of the deck. The others are inside playing board and card games, and you grin as you hear the disputes between them.

“You cheated! You can just ‘accidentally’ tip the dice over to get what you want!” Zoe insists.

“Were games different back in your day? Because in this world, we make up the rules as we go,” Nick teases. You see Alicia roll her eyes at her brother’s antics, and you grin as she settles back into your arms. You rest your cheek against her soft, silky hair as she adjusts the blankets. The salty smell of sea water fills your nose as you take a deep breath, letting your eyes fall shut just for a moment.

Kory has settled himself against Alicia’s chest, and he looks to be sound asleep. Payge and Khris sit just one seat down from you, their hands intertwined as they silently watch the setting sun.

“How much longer do you think we’ll make it?” you ask, looking to your parents. Khris moves his lips slowly as though in thought, then lets out a sigh. Payge looks from him to you, a sort of sadness in her eyes.

“There’s only a few days of food left, and there’s nowhere safe on land,” Khris says. “And the Walkers can swim.”

You nod, and you feel Alicia shudder slightly in your arms. You gently run your thumb down her soft, bronzed skin.

You know it. You’re sure that everyone knows it. Even the ones inside playing games must know it to be true. Yet, nobody speaks the words aloud, because hearing them might make it harder.

As you marvel in the splashes of color on the sky, like beautiful strokes of a paintbrush on smooth canvas, a strange sense of peace washes over you.

“Screw you all, I quit,” Anya groans. She’s laughing, though, as she appears through the doorway to the deck. There is no need for welcoming words. Silent glances have always been enough for the Grounders, and they are enough now, too.

The riot inside begins to boil down, and more people appear. Soon, the spacious deck is once again fully occupied by the massive group of people living on the boat. While the other boat is still chained (miraculously) to the deck railing, you imagine that even crossing over to that railing would be much more than you can bear.

Lyndsey gently picks up Kory’s feet and sits down in their place, then lets them rest over her lap. The young boy stirs, and his eyes flutter open. He doesn’t react one way or another at the sight of everyone back out on the deck. Instead, he rolls over slightly in Alicia’s arms and faces toward the water. You meet Lyndsey’s eyes, and the two of you share a content smile. You are all finally home.

For a while, you just watch people. Dychen and Zoe have made themselves comfortable in a position much like you and Alicia. You remember Alicia telling you that Anya and Costia had gotten on well, despite how much Costia distracted Baby Heart Eyes Lexa. Anya would never admit it, but she cared equally for the girls and would have done anything for Costia.

Maree sits on Rycky’s lap, her arms wrapped around his neck while his arms snake around her waist to keep her in place. Robert, Chris, and Nick have opted to stand so that others can sit, and they lean against the railings, supported by their elbows resting on the cold metal. Despite the chilly air, they seem unaffected. Rhyannon holds Natblida, the little kitten silent and almost serene looking as he stares out at the water, while the two of them sit next to Khris and Payge. Alex and Daniel stand in the center of the deck, hands folded behind their backs. You wonder if Alex knows who Daniel really is, but you’re fairly certain anyone who has ever met Titus has picked up on it.

This leaves Madison and Travis, and the two of them occupy the last seat at the end of the deck.

Not a word is spoken, for there is nothing yet to be said. A tranquil silence falls over you as the sun continues to set, the colors changing with each advance the sun makes to sink into the sea.

As the ship continues to speed onward, you notice black dots on the horizon. The closer you get, the more that appear. They move slowly, but there are easily hundreds.

“Do you think we will always meet?” Zoe says quietly.

They’re getting closer now. You focus intently on the sound of the waves instead of them.

“It would seem as though our souls are destined to know each other,” Alex insists. You look back to him, and he meets your eyes immediately. There is a softness to them that you always recognized, and you hope that this life has treated him with more kindness than the one before.

“What about us?” Chris asks. Alicia shifts in your arms and turns to face him.

“You matter. All of you. We are meant to meet,” she assures him. You know that she says it not only for him, but for herself and everyone around her.

The sound of the waves is beginning to cease to drown out the sounds. Their splashes are getting louder now, and you can hear their hunger. Yet, though everyone is watching them, not even a flash of panic settles over anyone.

“What do you think we’ll be next time?” Rhyannon asks, her voice soft and calm.

“Well, the world is kind of ending,” Lyndsey says. You smile softly and let her continue. “Who knows, maybe I’ll be the leader of the next one.”

Khris places a gentle kiss to Payge’s forehead, and your heart is warm and full. Payge holds onto his hand tightly, and you imagine that Abby refuses to let him go this time.

You can see them AND hear them now. They’ve become even more gruesome, and much much louder. Slight tension rises from those around you, but it is kept at bay.

“Don’t be afraid,” Alicia insists. Your heart flutters painfully, but you tighten your grip on her shoulders to make up for it. She’s still here. She’s right here.

“I am not afraid,” Maree replies. Robert looks back instantly, his eyes widened and eyebrows turned slightly upward. You see tears welling up, and he doesn’t bother to blink them back. Instead, he walks over to Maree and stands next to her. Maree slips one hand into his and holds onto Rycky with the other.

They’re merely yards from the boat now. The hourglass is running out of sand.

“In peace, may you leave this shore,” Payge says. You can hear a collective pained breath of air let out by those around you. Madison catches your eye, and though she doesn’t know these words like a verse from the Bible, she seems to understand. She blinks slowly, and that is all you need to communicate.

“In love, may you find the next,” you chime in. Alicia, Kory, and Lyndsey look to you, now, eyes shining with unshed tears. Lyndsey reaches her hand out and places it over your own.

“Safe passage on your travels,” she says. The two of you lock eyes, and your heart begins to truly ache, now. She looks at you like she’s begging you to find her again, and you promise yourself that you will.

“Until our final journey to the ground,” Robert says. They’re so close now, just feet away, and you pray that they’ll slow down just a little bit. You just want a little more time.

“May we meet again.”

The person who closes the farewell surprises you, and you are shocked out of your sadness for a moment. Daniel stands with Ofelia now, their hands clasped against her shoulder as tears streak her face. There’s not a dry eye on the boat, but there is no fear, only longing.

In an unspoken agreement, every single person choruses the closing line of the farewell back to Daniel. Even Alicia’s family, who has never experienced the lives that the rest of you have, say the words with such conviction and emotion that they might as well have. You make sure to make eye contact with everyone, even if just for a fleeting moment. You will remember these eyes until the end of time, you are certain of it.

Hands grab noisily at the sides of the boat, and you resist the urge to jump backward. No one moves an inch, but you see people begin to close their eyes.

“I’ll see you soon, my love,” you whisper into Alicia’s ear. Her eyes have fallen shut, and she fights hard to keep her expression steady. Kory grabs her hand tightly, and he hangs on for dear life.

You feel bodies pushing themselves over the railing, and you let your eyes close, too. There are quiet whimpers and muffled cries as they fling themselves over the railing. The last grains of sand are slipping through the cracks, now, and you are too tired to fight. Death is not the end, and you know that.

You fight hard not to let out a scream of pain when teeth sink into your neck. Stinking, putrid breath breathes into your ear, and you allow yourself a tiny groan. The sickening squelch of sinking teeth cuts through the gurgles and the growls, and you count each one as it comes.

Your head is already starting to feel light and dizzy by the time you count to nineteen. You don’t want to open your eyes. You want to keep the memory of the peaceful moments you had just minutes before. You want your memories of these people to remain good and calm. You don’t want to remember them as anything but who they were when they closed their eyes.

You press your lips to the back of Alicia’s head, and you feel her trembling. She turns her head and buries it in your neck. Hot droplets soak through your t-shirt, and you allow yourself to squeeze a few of your own from your overfilled watering eyes.

Lyndsey squeezes your hand, and you squeeze it back. It’s getting harder and harder to stay conscious, but you are at peace. You are at home.

A few last words pop into your head, and you use every ounce of your energy to whisper them into Alicia’s ear.

“I will remember you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emo gonplei steo odon. Emo keryon kigon.


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise.

Air. There’s no air.

Your eyes shoot open, and you are surrounded by water. It is deep and dark, and you are so tired. You look up, and you can see light pouring in from above. You don’t think. Instead, you propel yourself upward, lungs screaming in agony until you break the surface.

You take in deep lungfuls of air. Well, not quite. The coughing and sputtering up water begins to prevent that. Your legs and arms ache as you try to keep yourself afloat, and you search frantically for a shore.

You find one not twenty feet from your right. When your eyes land on the shore, your heart almost stops. You stare in awe as you paddle closer, mouth slightly ajar at that beautiful sight before you. You crawl onto beautiful white sand, so powdery that it’s like crawling through snow, and you don’t bother to brush it off as you shakily stand. You’re still coughing, and you still feel like there’s pins and needles in your lungs, but your amazement far surpasses those feelings. As the coughing settles and your legs begin to steady just a little bit more, you’re nearly knocked over again as waves of memories come rushing in.

Your head is spinning, so you allow yourself to fall backward onto the sand. You lean forward onto your knees and stare at the whiteness as the memories play like a movie in your mind. You just barely register the clothing you wear: a plain grey t-shirt and denim shorts that come down just to your knees. You can feel the bindings on your chest and the boyshort-like undergarments, and you feel a slight sense of relief at the familiarity.

When your head clears and you find yourself left with thousands of memories from not even fifty years of life, you allow yourself to once again take in the beautiful island before you.

The trees are incredible. The bark is strong, and the leaves are greener and brighter than you ever thought possible. There are flowers all of colors, shapes and sizes, along with various shrubs and grasses. It is so alive and glowing in a way you have not seen in all of your years.

To your left, you notice a small wooden canoe. Though it rests on land, its sides are still darkened with dampness.

You freeze. If it has been used recently, that must mean that there is someone else here.

You stand back up again, and this time, your footing is much stronger. Though you cringe at the feeling of sand squishing through your toes, you muscle through it and trudge onward toward the mini forest. You catch sight of what appears to be a clearing and decide to pass through it.

It does not take you long to realize that this forest is a ring around a sandy center. This land, you realize, is actually an island. Your heart races as you approach the other end of the forest. With a quick pause and a deep breath, you step out into the clearing.

In the center of it is a huge tree, easily hundreds of years old. It towers above the forest, and you wonder how you didn’t see it before. In the tree is a shelter build from wood and bound by makeshift nails and clay. It is huge, easily the size of your tent as Commander, and a rope ladder with wooden rungs hangs from it.

Around the tree are various sites, such as a firepit and a place where meat is butchered and tended to. It appears almost as if there are stations surrounding this massive tree and it’s equally massive shelter that has been built into its branches. One look around tells you that, as you suspected, someone indeed has been here recently.

Seeing no other logical option, you climb the ladder slowly. At the top of the ladder, there is a small ledge to step onto before opening on the door. You climb onto it, limbs still shaky with weakness as your stomach growls. You pray that whoever is behind that door has food, and drinkable water, though you’re not sure that you’re all that thirsty anymore.

You reach for the door knob, its silvery smooth exterior looking foreign to the rough wood that the entrance is made of. It turns easily, and you push the door open.

Before you have time to even take in the room around you, somebody grabs you from behind and pulls your back to their chest. A sharpened piece of metal is suddenly at your throat, and you shudder slightly. You swallow hard and don’t allow your fear to show, however.

Your eyes fall downward to examine the person holding you hostage. It is clearly a woman. Her skin is tanned but not overly dark. Her fingers, long and slender, are dirty from what you assume to have been work or hunting. It is not until you notice the lines tattooed around the diameter of her leg that realization hits you like a freight train. Out of curiosity, you look down at your own arm and find a strikingly familiar tattoo. You don’t know how you couldn’t notice it before.

You hear footsteps approaching you, and despite the blade pressed to your neck, it is the sound that startles you most. You jump, and you swear you hear the girl holding you hostage giggling.

The first thing that comes out of the shadows is a long, slender leg, appearing to push out of a slit in a beautiful and elegant gown. The second is the end of a staff, made from wood but painted with something black. Your eyes follow the length of it, where the branches from which it was carved tangle up together to encase a dark red crystal. You’ve never seen anything like it, and you’re mesmerized. 

You nearly jump out of your skin when you see a huge black panther, at least the size of a young child, follow the staff's path. It settles calmly on its hind legs, its front paw directly next to the end of the staff. When you decide that it will not attempt to kill you, you return your gaze to the beautiful red stone at the top of the staff.

When you follow the hand wrapped around it up slender arms, past solid shoulders and up to an incredibly familiar face, your mesmerization becomes much like a trance. You can’t move. You can barely breathe as you meet braided blonde locks and icy blue eyes that carry the depths of the sea.

It’s her.

For a moment, you can’t speak. She tilts her head slightly sideways, her wild blue eyes alight with wonder.

“Clarke,” you whisper. She smiles, wide but controlled. She keeps her emotions at bay.

With one swish of her hand, the girl holding you hostage lets go. She steps to your side, and you look over to meet her eyes. Your suspicions were correct, and you smile softly at her. Then, the two of you divert your attention to the woman before you. A war is raging inside you, a beautiful one, but you seem to be predisposed with the same ability to keep said emotions at bay, too.

“Here, I am Asuriel,” the blonde says. Her voice is soft, comforting, and calming. Her Australian accent is all but gone, and she sounds infinitely more like Clarke again. Your heart flutters in your chest.

“She is the leader of the Wodakru,” the brunette woman next to you announces. The language sounds like music to your ears. “I am Imin.”

“The language...it is still used?” you ask. Asuriel nods.

“I am respected as their Heda, but we are a peaceful people based on strength through love,” she says. She looks to Imin now, then rolls her eyes. You’re slightly taken aback for a moment at the sudden change of demeanor.

“Well, except for that one,” she says. Imin grins ear to ear like a proud child, and you can’t help but smile, too.

Asuriel leans the staff against the wall now and sighs. “Okay, I’m done with the act. Imin promised me the first cut of meat on the night when you arrived if I tried to act high and mighty.”

“It worked, though, did it not?” Imin says, grinning. Though the extremely formal, high and mighty act has been dropped, you admire the way their language is still somewhat elegant. Much more so than your previous life’s, at least.

“Are you truly Heda here?” you ask. Asuriel nods.

“I am the leader, and I am called Heda, but it’s not nearly as rigid as what you would remember it is. I’m more of a guide than a Commander,” she explains. You nod and smile, wondering how peaceful and wonderful it might be to live that way.

“Is there war?”

Asuriel shakes her head, her hand absently reaching over to pet the panther sitting next to her. You think to ask about it later. “Not so far.”

“Are the others here? And where is here, exactly?”

Imin walks over to the window, where the curtains are pulled over it. She pulls them away and lets light shine in. You resist the urge to gasp at how beautiful the blonde in front of you looks, shimmering in the light. She appears to be wearing some sort of glitter, and you smile.

“Most of them are here. Imin and I have been here since the beginning. Every so often, someone new will come by,” she explains. She lets a small smile creep onto her lips. “It is true, what Gustus said. We are drawn to each other.”

Your smile widens. “Where are they?”

“Most of them are in the other room. I told them to wait there until we knew who had arrived,” Asuriel says.

“Am I the last?”

“No,” she says. “We are still waiting for Ontari, Octavia, Travis, and Chris."

Your heart races at the sound of their names. You miss your stepfather and stepbrother terribly, but you realize that this means your mother and brother are already here. You can feel the years of distance piling onto you, now, and you are suddenly anxious to get into the other room.

“I presume they all have different names, now, too?”

Imin nods.

“You said most of them,” you press, walking closer to Asuriel and Imin. The space between you and Asuriel is becoming smaller and smaller, and your heart thuds in your chest.

“Gadriel and a few others, including your trainer and your teacher, have gone to the City of Angels for supplies,” she says. Somewhere, something in your heart tells you that Gadriel is Bellamy, and you wonder how you know that.

“City of Angels. Does that happen to be the remains of Los Angeles?”

“It does,” Imin grins. “You’re as wise in this life as you were in the first.”

You smile back at her, and a comfortable silence falls over the three of you. You can hear birds chirping through the cracked open window, and you have to resist the urge to close your eyes and just breathe in. Instead, you focus on the two people standing in front of you.

“What is your name?” Asuriel asks suddenly, breaking you from your trance.

You pause for a moment, trying to rack your brain for any memories of the life you are in right now. Images pop up of snow, and lots of it. You wonder how you wandered from somewhere covered in snow and ice to a place so beautiful as this, but you decide you will question it later. You search your brain incessantly until you find your name.

“Ai laik Siobahn kom Ashdaunkru,” you announce. It rolls off your tongue effortlessly, but you shudder at the similarity to the Ice Nation.

Imin’s smile, however, quells that fear. In this life, the Snow People and the Water People must get along much better than they did before.

“Imin, go tell the others who has come,” Asuriel requests. Imin nods, her smile unwavering as she turns and walks toward the same door that As first walked out of.

As. It sounds like “Ahz” in your head, and it sounds perfect. You wonder what gave you the instinct to give such a nickname.

"Come, Natblida," Imin says suddenly, and the panther that has been silently by As' side lets out a sound of acknowledgement at Imin's command. You smile wide as the name brings back memories of a tiny black kitten found in a ditch. To your surprise, the panther, Natblida, walks toward you and nuzzles your hand for a moment before following Imin into the other room.

When Imin and Natblida have gone, you barely have time to turn your head before arms are being thrown around you and a body is being pressed to yours.

You don’t hesitate in hugging her back, and you breathe in deeply. She still smells the same after all this time. Just before your eyes fall shut, you catch sight of the broken infinity sign tattooed onto the back of her neck. There is no scar.

“Welcome home, Lexa.”

“Oso don hit choda op nodataim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about role reversal.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is much appreciated...I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> 3.27 - woah! so glad for the feedback, thank you!  
> 4.12 - I'm so glad to see how many people like this!


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